The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Breaking Free From Caregiver Guilt, Shame & Negative Self-Talk

Caregiving is already hard enough…

But sometimes the hardest part isn’t just what’s happening around you—

👉 it’s the story happening inside your own mind.

The guilt.
 The “should haves.”
 The self-doubt.
 The pressure to do more, be more, and hold everything together.

In this episode, we’re talking about the invisible mental load caregivers carry through negative self-talk, guilt, shame, perfectionism, and the stories that can quietly keep us stuck.

Together, we explore:

☕️ Common caregiver thought traps
 ☕️ Why “should-ing” creates pressure and burnout
 ☕️ The internal stories that fuel overwhelm
 ☕️ How stress can distort your self-worth
 ☕️ And simple ways to begin shifting your thoughts with more awareness and compassion

You’ll also learn my simple 3C Method:

✨ Catch
 ✨ Cancel
 ✨ Correct

—so you can begin rewriting the stories that no longer serve you.

Because my friend…

👉 Not every thought deserves to become your truth.

If your mind has been feeling loud lately…

this episode is for you.

Transcript

Welcome And A Stress Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello, hello, my friend, and welcome to another episode of the Caregiver Cup Podcast in season three. In this episode, I am so excited because this is an episode that's gonna hit home for I think all caregivers. It's the stories we tell ourselves. But before we get into that, I want to start out with a commercial that I remember back in the 80s. Yeah, I'm I was just starting my life and raising my kids in the 80s. And so if you're young, I'll explain it. If you are any age like me, you probably remember it. There was a commercial and they showed a frying pan with two eggs in it that were being cooked, and they said, This is your brain, right? And then they showed the eggs scrambled, and they said, This is your brain on drugs. Now, this episode isn't about drugs, but honestly, there were seasons in caregiving where that commercial felt like it was so relatable because stress and overwhelm and guilt and resentment and fear can absolutely scramble your brain. And I know for me, there were moments, especially last year, when my thoughts felt nonstop. Some of the things that were running through my head was, I'm not doing enough. Why am I feeling resentful or jealous? I shouldn't feel angry or I'm failing. And those thoughts, they weren't just passing through, they were keeping me stuck, keeping me up at night, making it hard to think clearly. I feel like they were making it hard for me to find peace, robbing me of my joy. And then the hardest part, I believed them. Those should-haves, those guilt-filled thoughts, those shame spirals, they felt so loud that I struggle to separate the truth from overwhelm. And my friend, that's exactly what we're going to talk about today. Because caregiving is already hard enough, but when we own these thoughts and they start working against us, they can feel exhausting. So today we're going to talk about the stories we tell ourselves, negative self-talk, guilt and shame, the shoulding, the should have's. I always call it the shoulding on ourselves, and how to begin shifting those thoughts so that we stop keeping ourselves stuck or we stop keeping us stuck. Because sometimes the biggest battle isn't just about what's happening around us or happening with our loved ones, it's what's happening inside of our own mind. So if your thoughts have been feeling a little scrambled lately, you are not alone. And today we're going to start untangling them and to and we're going to do that together.

What Caregiver Self Talk Is

SPEAKER_00 3:32

And so let's go ahead and um, now that we've talked about how overwhelmed thoughts can scramble your mind, I want to go a little bit deeper because this isn't random thinking. This is something many caregivers experience, often without even realizing it. And I'm going to call it caregiver self-talk. And simply put, caregiver self-talk is your internal narrative, it's the ongoing conversations happening inside of your mind and before inside of your mind about yourself, about your caregiving, about your emotions and about your choices. And as a sidebar, I always think about our brain tries to protect us. It tries to shield us from things, it tries to avoid, you know, avoid us from being disappointed or, you know, the the devastating things. And so our mind is our mind is amazing, but sometimes it overworks and it doesn't need to overwork. And so, and sometimes this inner dialogue can be supportive, but often it can become your harshest critic. It can be the voice saying things like, you should be doing more. You're not handling this well enough. Why can't you keep it together? You know, why are you crying all the time? You know, that kind of thing. Or good caregivers don't feel this way. It's all these, the, the negative self-talk or that internal narrative that it's giving it. And over time, those thoughts can be so automatic that we stop questioning what we're thinking and and really think that, oh yeah, that's this is normal, versus trying to separate some of the I can even go as far as the lies that our brain is telling us. We just start believing them. And this is where negative caregiver self-talk becomes so dangerous because it doesn't just reflect strength, it can intensify it, turning already difficult situations into deeper feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, fear, burnout. I can even go as far as depression, uh, you know, and it can become a mental illness.

Six Ways Self Talk Turns Toxic

SPEAKER_00 6:17

So I want to talk about these six, I came up with six, and I'm sure there's more, but common forms of caregiver negative self-talk. The first one is perfectionism. If I were a better spouse, or if I were a better daughter, or if I were a better caregiver, if I were a better mom, whatever it would be, I'd be able to do this all myself. That perfectionism. And some of us carry this perfectionism heavily, and some of us maybe carry it, you know, kind of mediocre, but caregiving can increase that perfectionism. Another one is guilt and the personalization of it. If I were more patient, you might say to myself, or maybe this wouldn't be so hard. Or I shouldn't have said that, or um, why did I leave? I should have stayed. You know, the guilt that we get. Maybe you you dedicate an hour for yourself for lunch today, and you're starting to feel guilty for it. So that guilt that we carry when if we took a step outside, or if somebody looked at it from the outside in, they would be like, you deserve a break, or I can understand why you're you're being impatient, or this has got to be hard. Another one, or the third one, uh, a common form of negative self-talk is catastroph, I can never say it, catastrophicizing. This setback means everything is falling apart, or you're thinking the worst. The chaos is being becoming catastrophic, and your self-talk is oh my gosh, the world is falling apart. Oh my gosh, and and it could be, but our self-talk then keeps it spiraling out of control. For example, Dennis when Dennis had stage four, he was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma. Right away, my negative start of my brain started catastrophizing it. Laugh at me how I'm saying it, because I feel like I'm the can't, I've I'm tongue-twisted. But I started thinking death. Oh my gosh, what am I gonna do without a spouse? And he's here eight years later. Even when he was in his worst last year in a stem cell transplant, my brain and my negative self-talk started doing that. Another one of the uh forms of negative self-talk is should statements. I call them stop shoulding on yourself because I should be stronger, I should do more, I shouldn't feel this way. I I shouldn't, you know, complain. I shouldn't whatever. And these statements, because our brain is telling us this, I shouldn't go uh out for a movie with my girlfriend. I shouldn't go ahead and complain about my headache today because you know my loved one has it worse. No, your your complaints and your issues are important, and you're not always going to be strong, you're not always gonna be able to do it all because overwhelm is setting in and your body needs some time. Another one is labeling yourself and negatively lay labeling yourself like I'm not enough, I'm failing, I'm selfish, I'm too angry, I'm too outspoken, I'm you know, you might even be looking at yourself and saying, you know, bad things about your appearance in the mirror, or I look at myself now because I've gained so much weight over the years that I don't look, I I tell myself, I don't look good instead of I'm getting better, I'm you know, I'm taking care of my body, my hair is coming back, that kind of thing. But you're labeling yourself, and it could be too you you don't work anymore. You might be saying, I'm only a caregiver. Oh my gosh, stop labeling yourself. Another one, and I think, yeah, this is the last one of the labels is over-generalization. This will never get better, you might say. I never get a break. You go ahead and over-exaggerate something saying, I will never be able to go ahead and and have a normal life again. I will never be able to do this, I will never be able to get a good night's sleep. Um, you know, and it feels like it that way because you are stuck right now and you are deep into it, and we need to go ahead and break that cycle.

Notice The Spill Before Spiraling

SPEAKER_00 11:46

And my friend, this inner critic, it can keep you emotionally stuck. And we talked about that last week. Not because you're doing caregiving wrong, but because high stress, grief, fear, all of those emotions and unrealistic expectations can distort your inner story that you're telling yourself. So, one of the key reminders I want to give to you today is sometimes caregiving isn't just exhausting because of what you're doing, it's exhausting because of what you're telling yourself while doing it instead of shifting that. And that's why this so much matters because awareness isn't just noticing the spill, it's also noticing the story attached to it. And let's use the spill as an example today. So you go ahead and carry your cup, and you're carrying your cup, but you're kind of distracted and and moving fast, and all of a sudden you spill your your drink, or better yet, you drop it. What is the story you tell yourself? Oh my God, I'm so stupid, or oh my God, I'm so clutzy, oh my gosh, I don't have time for this. And those are common human reactions, but if you continue to beat yourself up like that, you're gonna stay in that emotional stress. So today I want to gently, uh I gently want you to start asking yourself, what am I saying to myself right now? Especially in those hard times. Is this thought helping me or is this thought hurting me? Because not every thought deserves to become your truth. And what comes to mind right now is last year at this time, I was so sick of being away from home. It was uh we were going on week number four, and it became day in and day out kind of the same thing, the same thing, grinding over and over again. I would go to the hospital, sit with Dennis, go through all of the many, many doctors and nurses and you know, nutritionist and physical therapist in the morning, and I just would sit there and then you know, after a while it became the morning grind. And I kept telling myself stories that I'm so bored, I just want this to be over with. And you do, but if you keep yourself and ask yourself why, what am I saying to myself right now? Instead of saying that, saying, Oh my gosh, we're we're through week number, we're starting week number four. Uh, you know, he's progressing good, no issues today, you know, instead of doing that and and doing things like that, because not every thought deserves to become your own brain truth, you know, it doesn't deserve the space, and that's awareness, that's where we begin shifting the story when we're aware. So,

Guilt Shame Fear And Other Traps

SPEAKER_00 15:21

some common caregiver uh stories or traps that we tell ourselves, once we've defined self-talk and caregiver self-talk, I want to talk about what it actually sounds like because these thought patterns, they're sneaky, they can feel so normal that that we don't even realize that they may be working against us. If you talk to somebody and they're in this spiral hole, they they can't even figure out why they're in it and how to get out of it. And my friend, I know this personally for me. I would be shoulding is one of my biggest traps. Shoulding. I would go, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. I've had to literally tell myself, stop the shoulds on yourself. Stop shoulding yourself. Because those thoughts come fast and they can come fast. I should be doing more. I would be walking back from Kathy's house and I would be telling myself, you know, I have to plan what I should be doing now for the rest of the day. I'd leave there sometimes at two in the afternoon, sometimes at four in the afternoon, just depending on Dennis's situation, the weather, you know, if I had to go grocery shopping or whatever it would be, I would want a plan in my head when I needed the rest. Or I said, I should be handling this better. I can't believe I said this to the doctor. You know how you retrace your steps, or I should have asked better questions, or whatever it would be, especially when Dennis wasn't feeling well. I sh or I shouldn't feel this way. Why am I feeling this way? That kind of thing. And before you know it, uh, you're carrying pressure that may not even be fair. And that pressure, think about like last week we talked about that heavy backpack, that pressure you're feeling. Now it's heavy. Now it's gonna start causing physical and emotional issues for yourself. So let's break down some of the most common caregiver thought traps. The first one is guilt-based stories. We talked about guilt already, but let's talk about them as stories. This often shows up when you take time for yourself or you ask for yourself or ask for help, I mean, or you take rest or set boundaries. Can you think about that? Anytime you do that. I had a hair appointment the day after Mother's Day last year. And really, I told the kids all I wanted for Mother's Day was to go home and play with my dogs, get my hair done, and then come back the next day. I felt the guilt-based stories doing that, taking time for myself, asking for help, asking Mark to go, my oldest to go and visit their dad. Um, I felt guilty for rest and setting those boundaries to recharge. And then suddenly I'm feeling the pressure as I'm driving back home, and it was about 150 miles to my home. I should be there. I should do this myself and I should cancel my hair appointment. I'm being selfish. But caregiving does not require self-erasure or self-sabotage. It shouldn't. I knew that I needed this to recharge. I needed this to go ahead and um recharge my battery. I love having my hair done and colored, and it helps me feel more confident. And I could play with my puppies, my two dogs, and go for a walk in the morning and just feel that. And it boosted my energy. But there was that. You know how there were there were these commercials where you have, you know, Satan on one side of your shoulder and the angel on the other side. Well, and the devil was trying to go ahead and sabotage and give me the guilt-based stories. That's what I felt like. Another one, it's similar, but it's a little bit different. Shame-based stories. And this can happen when your loved one falls, their condition worsens, something goes wrong, and you start feeling like I didn't do enough, or I'm sh I feel shame because I should have been there when they fell. Well, they're they were going to fall sooner or later. You did your best. Maybe your loved one got out of bed without calling you, or maybe you didn't even hear them. I felt that the I felt that on another excursion that I went back to Green Bay from the stem cell transplant with Dennis when our air conditioner was on the fritz, and I had this the I think they were returning for the second time. They actually returned for three weeks in a row because it still wasn't working. And I had to leave to go ahead and talk to them in person and understand what was going on. Well, Dennis had extreme digestive problems, and he needed extra underwear and shorts to go ahead and make it through you know 24 to 48 hours without me being there because where I stayed, we had a washing machine. So I would take his clothes every day, wash them, and bring them back. And right before I was leaving, he's like, I don't think I'm gonna have enough until you get back. And I felt this self talk. I should have, I should have been there or I should be there. Or maybe with the fall, I should have prevented this, or I failed when you didn't bring your loved one in soon enough because you thought it was a different condition. Or I'm not doing enough, I'm not talking enough, that kind of thing. Even when many things are outside of your control. So remember, shame-based stories usually are outside of your control. Another one is fear-based story. This one is so real. You finally leave the house and your brain starts racing. Can you relate? I'm raising my hand. What if something happens? What if they need me? What if I'm not there when my mom was in hospice and my brother and sister were there, and we were running out of groceries, and we could have ordered, but I'm like, no, I'm just gonna run to the store. It will be faster. We know exactly I know exactly what we need. But I kept thinking about what if I'm not there? And mom passes away. What if they need me because my job was the um medication and recording the the medication for the hospice team? And I was only two miles away, but that fear convinces you that constant hypervigilance is the only safe option. It sometimes keeps us from leaving the house or leaving our loved one when that happens. And then I think this is oh, I have two more. The next one is discounting the positive. This is when you dismiss your wins, you dismiss all that you've done, you solve huge medication issues, you find a helpful pharmacist, you create better systems, you do this and you do that, you ask great questions, you you know, you get help when needed. Instead of celebrating, you think anyone would do that. It's not a big deal. I just got lucky. No, you are doing amazing work. I even challenge you one time to jot down in the last few days what you've done that are wins for you. The big, the small, and everything in between. What have you done, especially for caregiving? That's been a huge win. It might be something as simple as playing cards or watching a movie with your loved one. It might be finding a better talking to the pharmacist and finding a better medication for your loved one, or calling the doctor and saying, I want to give you an update. I don't know what else I can do. Do you have any suggestions? Yeah. Give yourself credit. Those solutions matter. Your advocacy matters. And another one that um is I'm gonna see, I lost my spot here. Another one of the common traps is uh oh, I now now I did it myself. Common traps, and then we talked about this one already, is labeling. Is labeling. And this one is is hard because your I it's your identity. I'm a failure. I'm just the caregiver. I'm too angry. Um, I'm the only one that cares for for mom or dad. Um, I'm the only one that's a good um that can advocate. But my friend, you are so much more than that. I want you to think about your labels that you do label, and especially the negative ones, like I'm a failure, I'm just a caregiver, I'm too angry, I'm the only, I'm the only one that does it. You know, I want you to, you are so much more than that. Think about what you do as a caregiver, and you know, beyond, you are an advocate. You're just not a caregiver. You are an advocate, you are the historian and the documenter, you are the scheduler, you are the cook, you are the coordinator, you are the medic medication manager, you are the night shift nurse, you are the protector, you are the problem solver, you are the bather. You know, you keep track of everything, and don't discredit the fact that you may fall or fail, but you are doing a huge, huge job. And this title is hard, this identity is hard. Um, and I don't want you to discredit or reduce yourself to one painful label that you give yourself, especially I'm just a caregiver, or I've lost my identity. Yeah, this identity is hopefully not forever, but it is uh quite the journey, and you you are juggling a lot. And so another label is overgeneralization, and this will never get better. I never get a break, everything is always hard. And while caregiving is hard, those thoughts can deepen your hopelessness. Stop saying, I will never get better, or it will never get better. I will never get a break. Everything is always hard. Yeah, if you can continue to convince yourself of these negative thoughts, it's you're spiraling down into hopelessness. And don't let your brain win. Don't let that win. We're gonna talk about how we can change this in just a minute, but I want you to think about this. Your brain under stress may tell stories that feel true, but that doesn't mean they are true. And awareness is when we begin separating the facts from the fear, the facts from guilt, the facts from change, shame. So I want you to gently ask yourself, which thought trap do I fall in most? Which of the traps do I fall in most? Is it the negative thoughts and avoiding the positive? Is it your identity? You know, is it uh I'm going through them again, is it fear-based stories, shame-based stories, or guilt-based stories? Which ones do you fall into? And because once you notice it, you can begin shifting it. When I did a lot of coaching and I did that a couple years ago, this is the one thing I listened for. And once we identified it, and that shift then could begin. And it was so incredibly powerful because we started challenging those negative thoughts.

The Stories That Keep Us Stuck

SPEAKER_00 30:13

So now that we've identified the common traps of caregiving, let's talk about why this matters so much. Because these stories, they're not just thoughts, they shape how we feel, how we respond, how we care for ourselves, how we show up, and how long we stay stuck. And this is important. The stories we tell ourselves can even support us or silently deepen our suffering. And that suffering can be in many ways. Because when we repeatedly tell ourselves things like, I have to do it all, I should be stronger, this will never get better, my needs don't matter. These thoughts create pressure, like a pressure cooker. I don't even know if you remember what a pressure cooker was, but we used to have a pot and it would, you'd almost have to grind it together, and then there was this little round little circle metal thing that would release the pressure or the steam from the pot. And you dare didn't open the pot until you released the pressure. If you did open the pot and it didn't, and I laughed because my mom did it one time during my brother's baptism. And if you release the pot without releasing the pressure, everything blows up out of it. So pressure that often think about your pressure often turns into chronic stress, emotional paralysis. A lot of people shut down or the fight or flight response, increased guilt, burnout, which turns into caregiver fatigue, you avoid or avoidance, or you lose your joy. And over time, those stories can become mental prisons. Yeah, we're gonna talk about that. Mental caregiver prisons. So let's break down a few of the most common caregiver stories that can quickly keep us stuck. I'm gonna share the story about the martyr, the martyr story. I am the only one. This story says if I don't do it, everything will fall apart. You may be a control person or you may now have this thought. And while this often comes from love and truly love, it can also create an impossible burden because suddenly rest feels selfish. Help feels like failure, and you don't want to ask for help. Delegation feels irresponsible. And my friend, this is exhausting. This story often traps caregivers in the overresponsibility, the isolation, the perfectionism, and then the deep fatigue that we feel. Asking for help does not mean you love less. It means you are trying to care sustainably. Like we always say, you know, the caregiving is not a sprint, it's a marathon. Another story I call the forever story. It never ends. This story says, this is my life now. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. It will always feel heavy. And when caregivers feel endless, hopelessness can start creeping in. You stop imagining joy, you stop planning for yourself, you stop believing relief is possible. And my friend, people that are in this hopelessness state or it will never end state, you start noticing that you're not surrounded by people anymore. And I'm gonna be really blunt and honest. You may not want to be around people because your hopelessness is there, or people may sense it and not want to be part of it. Instead of carrying the whole future, focus on manageable moments, small supports, small shifts, small breaks. Maybe you stay there when your loved one, but maybe somebody comes over, maybe you call one of their friends and they, you know, play cribbage together, or your I with my mom, the grandchildren came over and I ran errands while they were doing it, or walked around the block, that sort of thing. Because sometimes you don't need to solve forever, you just need support right now. Think of manageable chunks. Another one is the identity story. My life is on hold. That's what we're gonna call it. This one is so powerful. When caregiving becomes your entire identity, I'm just the caregiver. And suddenly your hobbies disappear, your joy fades, your sense of self shrinks. And this can feel especially painful because you begin to lose connection with who you are outside of caregiving. You do, you lose your identity because your life has shifted. So you are a caregiver, but that is not all you are. You remember this: you are still a person, a friend, a spouse, a dreamer, a human being, you're a human being deserving joy. So these stories can feel protective, but often they keep us stuck in rigid mindsets and mindsets of rigidity. I don't know if that's a word or not, but I just said it. They can quickly intensify, remember, they can intensify our stress, our exhaustion, our isolation, our burnout, because you're not just carrying caregiving. You may also be carrying harmful beliefs and how caregiving should look. And you know what? Every one of us, our caregiving looks different. Every season of your caregiving may look different. So I want you to ask yourself what story have you been living inside lately? Is it I have to do it all? Is it this will never get better? Or my life is on hold or my life is over. Because awareness, again, is powerful. When you realize the story, you can begin rewriting it. And that can be where real healing begins. Sometimes the hardest part of caregiving isn't just the role itself, it's the story we believe about it.

The 3C Method To Reframe

SPEAKER_00 37:37

So now that we've talked about the stories, the guilts, the shoulding, the next question becomes what do we actually do when those thoughts show up? And my friend, this is where I want you to bring, I want to bring you back to something simple because we've talked about all season about awareness. Notice the spill in and this, this is the powerful one. I have what's called a 3C method, and it's gonna be really easy. You're gonna write it. The 3C stand for catch, cancel, and correct. Let me quickly explain what catch is. First, notice the thought, catch it. Pause and ask yourself, what am I saying to myself right now? Because so many of those thoughts run on autopilot and awareness. Remember, your brain, it wants to protect you, and sometimes it doesn't need to, is where this is where when you catch it, change begins. The next one is cancel, interrupt it. The thought isn't helping me right now. This is guilt talking to me right now. This is fear, and it's not the truth. You do not have to let every thought become your reality. You can go ahead and tell that devil on your shoulder or in your head, cancel, fly away, whatever it is, and correct, replace it with something more truthful, something compassionate, something supportive. Here's an example. I'm failing. That's the that's the one you want to catch, you want to cancel, and you want to correct it with I'm doing the best I can in this hard situation. Another one, I should do more. Instead, I'm allowed to need support. Another one, I'm not enough. Instead, I'm caring a lot and I'm still showing up. I'm still smiling, I'm still present. Awareness gives you the power to rewrite, rewrite the story. It's not perfect, it's not overnight, but one thought at a time, and those small shifts, they matter. And if you really want to start understanding these patterns, and if you're still like if I was coaching you and you were in this hopelessness state, I would encourage you to write them down because journaling can help you slow it down and actually see what's happening. Journal the thoughts, and then maybe put a line down the middle of your paper and journal your thoughts. And on the other side of it, come up with okay, I catch it. Do I need to cancel it? What can I correct it with? It just keeps you in that mindset because journaling can help you slow down and actually see what's happening, not to judge it, but to understand it. So when you have quiet time or feel especially overwhelmed, you can ask yourself, are these thoughts repeating? Is it true? Is it helpful? What would I say to a friend in this situation? What is the absolute truth here or the kinder truth? Because sometimes we offer more compassion to others than we offer to ourselves. And this practice helps you begin changing that. So instead of automatically believing every hard thought, you're starting to shift, you're starting to soften. And my friend, this is incredibly freeing because the goal here isn't perfection, it's reflection. And when you reflect with honesty and compassion, you create room for healing. You create room to de-stress and take some of that weight out of your backpack. So we will close this conversation with about self-talk. And before we do that, I want to gently remind you, not every thought deserves to become your truth. Because your mind says, I'm failing. I'm not enough. I should shouldn't be doing it. It reminds me of when I was raising kids, my thoughts would be like, okay, they're gonna dry for the first time. Oh my gosh, they're late. Are they in an accident? Are they and then you start spiraling? Doesn't mean these thoughts are accurate. Sometimes our caregiving is simply signs of stress. We're fearing something, it's a lot to carry. You're feeling guilty or overwhelmed. Sometimes it's as simple as you're just fatigued, you're overwhelmed. So instead of automatically believing them, just notice a spill. Pause, get curious, ask yourself, what's in my cup and what's it telling me today? Because the goal isn't toxic positivity. It's not pretending caregiving isn't hard, it's learning how to meet hard with truth and compassion and then shift. It can help you move from self-judgment to self-awareness.

Tools For Calmer Thoughts

SPEAKER_00 43:18

And so some other tools that you might want to think about if you're spiraling, not everybody likes to journal. It could be affirmations. If you're just struggling with, you know, just negative thoughts and identity, maybe it's affirmations. Some of us will need therapy or coaching, especially when we're in severe burnout or severe fatigue. Uh, sometimes prayer and faith can help you. Mindfulness, maybe it's supportive podcast, maybe it's reading a book on self talk or um somebody else's story. And and feeling like, oh yeah, I have commonalities there. Maybe it's community, maybe it's trusted friends and talking to them, saying, I am just in this negative mindset and I can't get out of it. And I just need somebody to listen and ask me the right questions. And sometimes it's as simple as one grounding and you're ready. Sometimes it may take a while. For example, this is hard, not hopeless. I'm doing the best I can. I deserve compassion too. This thought is not the whole truth. Because when harmful thoughts show up, you don't have to stay stuck and let them win. You can interrupt them, correct it. You can support yourself. You can shift. And remember, this doesn't have to be complicated either. Even one small mindset tool used consistently can start creating powerful change because protecting your cup also means protecting your mind. So before we close today, I want to invite you to pause, not to judge yourself, not to criticize yourself, but to reflect on awareness and where you are at and asking yourself the right questions. What story have I been telling myself lately? Is this story helping me or hurting me? What is one thought I can begin shifting? And my friend, be honest here. Because sometimes the stories keep us stuck and are so familiar, we stop questioning them. But today you have an opportunity to notice it, to challenge, and to begin rewriting it. Because one thought shift can create powerful shifts. And whenever you are right now, and wherever you are right now, I want you to hear deeply. You are not your hardest thoughts. You are not your guilt. And you are certainly not every painful story stress may have convinced you to believe. Because caregiving can be hard enough without carrying harmful narratives that make you feel smaller. So if your mind has been loud lately, please remember your mind may tell you stories, but you have to power to you have the power to rewrite them. And no, that doesn't mean every thought disappears overnight, but it does mean you can begin noticing which thoughts deserve power and which truths deserve more space. So when those shoulds, like guilt and fear and self-doubt, start creeping in, just notice the spill and gently remind yourself, I'm doing the best I can. I am human. I deserve compassion too and self-compassion because small shifts in the way you speak to yourself can change how you carry this journey. And my friend, my caregiving friend, you are doing meaningful work. So never, ever, ever forget that. So just a couple things here once.

How To Support The Podcast

SPEAKER_00 47:30

I want to thank you for sticking with me to the end. I know this is a long one here. If something resonated with you, or if you have a question, remember that text button there. I would love to hear from you. It's in the show notes. And text me and tell me, you know, where you're at with this episode. If you want to support me and help me keep this podcast going, share this with another caregiver that might find it beneficial. This is a free podcast. Share it with them. If you want to help me just keep this podcast going, because I do this free and as a way to give back, help me with the equipment and the technology. There's a support button where you can click on that to support me. Or I have a Venmo account, Kathy-Vandenuval-1. So either way, you want to do that. Now, let me tell you what's happening in next week's episode. Next time we'll be talking about something so important, emotional release, because caregiving can create so much intern, internal pressure. I might be talking about that pressure cooker again. And I might have to put it in the email so people know what I'm talking about. And if we don't find healthy ways to process and release and move through these emotions, that pressure can keep building up and it can lead to many dangerous ways. So in our next episode, we're exploring emotional release, healing, letting go, and healthy ways to release the pressure before it spills. Because sometimes healing begins when we finally let ourselves exhale. So, my friend, thank you for listening to another episode of the Caregiving Cup podcast in season three. Bye for now.