Breaking Free from Caregiver Overwhelm: Mindfulness and Self-Care Tips

Are you feeling trapped in a cycle of caregiver overwhelm? In this episode, we explore practical strategies to break free from stress and reclaim your well-being. We’ll dive into mindfulness practices, setting realistic goals, and making small but impactful changes in your daily routine.

Ready to take control? Start by understanding the 3 Stages of Caregiver Stress and take the first step toward relief. Need personalized guidance? Schedule a 30-minute coaching chat and let’s create a plan tailored just for you.

Tune in and discover how you can show up as your best self every day!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Breaking the Cycle of Caregiver Overwhelm
• 10:26 Exploring Strategies to Combat Stress
• 27:11 Identifying and Managing Caregiver Stress
• 39:56 Coping Strategies for Caregiver Burnout
• 49:39 Caregiver Self-Care Strategies

Transcript

Cathy: 0:00

Well, hello, my friend, and welcome to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Cathy here. If this is your first time listening to the Caregiver Cup podcast, I want to welcome you to this podcast all about caregiving and this community of caregivers that are listening, and I hope you find this episode, and many more, helpful for you. If you are back again, I want to say welcome back and I hope that you enjoy today's episode. All in all, I started this podcast three years into my caregiving journey. Back in 2020 is when I started the podcast because I learned so much as a caregiver in those first three years. I wanted to start sharing my experiences and really trying to help other caregivers figure out this challenging season that they are in and, more or less, just to really continue to go ahead and confirm that, yeah, this is a tough season, but when you prioritize your physical health, your mental health, your spiritual health and all of those in this hard season and demanding role that we're given, it is doable. It is something we can go ahead and make it through. Back on my caregiver life, I want to be proud of the person that I became, proud of the decisions and the challenge that I overcame and, in addition to that, proud of the people that I've met along the way as well. So this is why each week, I pull up my microphone at my desk in my office and offer you support, give things for you to think about, resources for you to improve your situation and I create those as well and or maybe just you need a voice and I'm the voice that you get to listen to that will help you and will spark ideas and thoughts for you. Did you know that the Caregiver Cup podcast is ranked in the top 10 of all caregiver podcasts, according to Feedspot? Back in July I was number eight and I don't know what I am now in August yet, so I'm waiting to hear that. But I am so proud because I do all of this right now with no ads, no promotions, no funding Now, not that I'm not looking for those, but I haven't done them. And I just continue to show up each and every week and I have touched so many caregivers by sharing my experiences and lessons learned. And I also have brought on expert guests into this podcast psychologists, psychiatrists, people that now they're caregivers that share their experiences. I brought on doctors and so on, and I continue to try to find ways to go ahead and enhance this podcast experience, episode experience, for you. But, as you know, as you and I know, there are many, many more caregivers that are still out there trying to figure it out and keep it together and needing support. So if you know of any caregivers out there, share this episode or share my podcast with them or, better yet, even if you don't know a caregiver out there, by you sharing it on your Facebook or sharing it in your Instagram or whatever social media you have, we may find another person that needs a little bit of support. On the flip side, I hope you continue to listen to this Caregiver Cup podcast and find it helpful.

Cathy: 3:51

If you have other content or ideas or advice for me, hit that text button I have in the show notes. It says text Cathy, text me a person or an idea. Show notes. It says text Kathy, text me a person or an idea. I know I want to thank the tons of suggestions that I get. I am currently looking for somebody to talk about dementia and Alzheimer's, because many of you are facing that with your loved ones, and so I'm looking for that.

Cathy: 4:21

I have feelers out right now and hopefully can find a guest or an expert that can come on. Since I don't have that expertise forward slash podcast. There is an application, which is really short, that you can fill out, that will help me identify the guest or you and be able to slot you into a spot on the Caregiver Cup podcast. I'll put the link in the show notes so you don't have to remember it. But I welcome you, I welcome guests that will provide value. Now I'm not saying that there will be some guests that I will say no to because it's not a right fit for us. Anybody that's trying to sell a product. I don't want them on the podcast because that's not what the podcast is about. But if they're going to share their thoughts and ideas and resources that people can go to, that's great. And so that's just my little feeler out there today. So let's now jump into this week's episode, and I have shared this topic and this information many, many times because it is so very important to you and I as caregivers and is a constant struggle for most of us as caregivers.

Cathy: 5:51

This is the cycle of overwhelm, the stress that we feel, the anxiety that we feel, the pressures that we feel. I sometimes think stress is like the summer's mosquitoes that we're getting here in Wisconsin when we walk outside right now we have had so much rain and so much humidity that you can't go outside without the bugs being everywhere. And as much as my husband and I try to avoid them by like putting on repellent and we don't want to leave it on our skin too long and we're taking showers so many times a day or having our yard sprayed for mosquitoes they still come back. They still are there. We went on a walk this morning and my husband smelled like an ad for off. It was so bad but he attracts mosquitoes with his cancer like it's crazy. I didn't wear any, but I was swatting and fanning my face so much that I threw out the earbud out of my ear and had to go search for the earbud because the bugs were underneath my baseball hat and I could not stand it. That's what I feel is like stress. Stress is visiting us every day. It's like a pesky bug. Think about your typical day.

Cathy: 7:18

You think you have it all figured out when you wake up and you have kind of the things that you need to do, the places that you need to go. You have it all figured out, for example, like I'm going to get up, I'm going to do my morning walk, I'm going to take a shower, then I'm going to. In years past I would go into my office and start my corporate job. But you get a call from the doctor's office about your loved one's test results and these stressors cause that instantaneous overwhelm and more overwhelm because it's, for example, a Monday morning. Then you have to talk to your boss about leaving early so you can get them to an appointment because the doctor wanted the immediate appointment. There goes another stressor because you have to talk to your boss and your plate and your deadlines are really intense this week and you're trying to figure out how you're going to get it all done by the deadline. And then your loved one is upset about the test results and you start to worry. In that situation that was caused from a doctor call that caused how many different stressors inside of you. Right, let's talk about how we can break the cycle of overwhelm. I'm not saying make it go away, but think about overwhelm as a circular or a circle. And you have a stress that turns into an overwhelm. Then you have another stress and then it turns into an overwhelm and it's kind of like that circular motion and how can you break that overwhelm? You're still going to have the stress, but how can you break that intense overwhelm?

Cathy: 9:08

With mindfulness practices, creating small and manageable, little chunks of goals and adopting a mindset shift is becoming this topic now that many celebrities and athletes and influencers are talking about they're trying to figure out how to do that. Mental health has never been talked about more than ever. Some of the techniques that they're talking about are really good and relatable and inspiring, and some of them make me chuckle because they're so way out there. But no matter how you feel about the stress management techniques that they're sharing, I want to think about it as a positive direction and an awareness on the part of mental health. I really want us to think about that, I hope, and continue that more and more share. Let me share just a couple, and the first one for me. I'm giggling because it's way out there. I've never heard of this before, but one particular interesting example that is the rise of mindfulness and stress reduction practices are being endorsed by Kate Moss and Penelope Cruz.

Cathy: 10:26

They've been associated with trends such as ear seeds, and when I googled ear seeds it came to an ear hearing aid, and it's not. They are pressure points to release tension and they're also using what's called rage rooms and I laugh because I've never heard of them, but they probably work where people can actually go into a room or a controlled environment and physically vent out their frustrations. I envision somebody in this room and they're screaming or they're punching or they're kicking their feet, but I don't know. They're seeking ways to break the cycle of stress by taking proactive steps to manage their emotional well-being. Who knows? These trends underscore a broader movement towards finding immediate and tangible actions to manage overwhelm and stress. Think about it. We can draw a parallel between these methods and our caregiving practices. Maybe we don't have a rage room or ear seeds that are working on our tension points are working on our tension points, but maybe we have mindfulness practices or we're setting manageable goals or we're consciously working on shifting our mindset. Just as these celebrities have found ways to break free from stress cycles, caregivers can also employ simple yet effective strategies to break our cycles of caregiver overwhelm, to gain control of well-being.

Cathy: 12:09

Okay, here's another one that's for me more relatable is Simone Biles the gymnast, the Olympic gymnast, and she's now a mental health advocate, since she went to Tokyo back in. What was it? Back in 2018, I think it was. I could be wrong about the date, but that's close enough. And remember, if you remember her, she started getting the twisties, and her immediate decision to step back from competition because of the twisties sparked a global conversation, because when she went up, she had a mental block. When she went on the horse that she went ahead and did her piece on Biles, recognized the overwhelming pressure she was under and made a bold choice to prioritize her health, thereby breaking the cycle of her stress that could have led to more severe consequences. I mean, think about how often she twists when she's up in the air, when it comes to, like her parallel bars or you know any of her things and we, as caregivers, can identify when they are nearing, when we are, when they are or we are nearing the breaking point, and we can take steps to care for ourselves before we reach burnout. And, as a matter of fact, when you watch this year's Olympics, just a little over a month ago, when she was in Paris, she did interviews about the fact that she continued to meet with her therapist throughout her stay in Paris and throughout her competition, and she made a point of not missing out on that. I'm sure, if you paid attention to her, she was doing deep breaths. When she was doing it, she was sitting on the sidelines closing her eyes, doing visualization and calming down her nerves. So it was really. I've learned a lot from just paying attention to different celebrities and athletes.

Cathy: 14:20

Megan Markles, which I haven't watched her podcast yet, but I've been seeing a lot on her podcast on stress and healing and Megan Markles calls her podcast, or Megan Markles podcast, archie Types I think it's kind of to do with arch being in the royalty. Arch Types, I think it's called has exploded themes on stress, mental health and breaking the cycles of negative behavior. In one of her episodes I read a blog that she discussed how societal expectations and personal pressures can lead to chronic stress and burnout. Hint, hint, caregiving we have those family pressures or societal expectations as well. In hers, the conversation highlighted how important it is to recognize when you're stuck in a cycle of stress and take proactive steps to break free, whether that involves setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness or seeking help, and it's just a powerful example of ways to connect with us. And she does it by connecting with her audience because obviously she's in the public eye and faces many struggles.

Cathy: 15:45

Well, think about these three. And now as we go into the episode, stress can manifest for us in many different ways, both as an instant stress and as a stress that accumulates over time. These two forms of stress have distinct impacts on our body and our mind, and understanding the difference between them can help us break this cycle of overwhelm and stop that. I almost think about the cycle as a hamster wheel and it's just a constant thing and it never stops. Well, we need to break that cycle where we get, to get out of that cycle, and we never will be able to stay completely away, but we can break free of a lot of it being in that constant high stress.

Cathy: 16:34

For instant stress, there's two things I want to bring up here. And instant stress, also known as acute stress, triggers the body's fight or flight response. This is an evolutionary mechanism that prepares the body to deal with immediate threats. When faced with a sudden stressor, such as hearing unexpected news or being in a dangerous situation, your body is taught to release stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, and these hormones increase our heart rate, elevate our blood pressure and prepare our muscles for the action. And that's what our body is supposed to do, and sometimes that stress is a good stress. We have that fight or flight response. Now the other thing is the effects of instant stress are usually temporary and really go away once the perceived threat is removed, while in this state, decision-making abilities may be impaired because our body is so in that fight or flight and the body can experience physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches or even panic attacks when you're even in it or coming out of it. And so a lot of people say anxiety, a lot of people you know, get your legs feel like jelly, whatever it is I think about. If a child runs into the street, you're in that fight mode to go ahead and get that child out of the street and your blood pressure is up and your heart rate is up and you're trying to go ahead and do that. And then you come back and you're like oh gosh, and yeah, you might even have that. Oh gosh, and yeah, you might even have that. Now let's talk about the opposite.

Cathy: 18:25

When stress is over time, we call it chronic stress, and it's the result of persistent, long-term exposure to stressors. This could be due to ongoing situations such as caregiving, financial difficulties, your work pressures or health concerns or your loved one's health concerns. Unlike the instant stress, which is short-lived, chronic stress keeps the body in this prolonged state of heightened alertness and you're not coming down from that. And over time, chronic stress can lead to a host of negative health outcomes like hypertension, which is high blood pressure, heart disease, digestive issues, weakened immune system, mental health issues like anxiety, depression. Then the body is not meant to stay in this state, in this constant state of stress, and doing so can wear you down mentally and physically, and you feel it. You feel your energy dropping, you feel the fatigue, you feel the body aches, and then the chronic stress can also take significant roles on your mental and emotional well-being. It can lead to feelings of hopelessness, burnout, memory loss, cognitive functions you want to give up. I could go on and on. The ongoing pressure can make it difficult to find joy in daily activities. Over time, I always feel like there's a cloud over you and it may result in severe mental health issues and conditions that you might have been diagnosed with or will be diagnosed with.

Cathy: 20:16

And so how do you manage both types of these? And I think it first starts with understanding that stress can be immediate or cumulative and is crucial in addressing it effectively. We have to figure it out. Am I in instant stress or am I in chronic stress? And either one of these. You want to go ahead and build some habits in place. Now, chronic stress takes a lot of time to get out of it in place. Now, chronic stress takes a lot of time to get out of it, and so you want to break your chronic stress into manageable parts and chunks so you can start reducing the bits and pieces that you can control.

Cathy: 20:59

So I want to back up here, though, and really talk about recognizing your overwhelmed cycle and the need to break free of it, because I've said this so many times, you're probably sick of me saying this. Your mind and your body are amazing. They're going to give you signals, they're going to tell you when you need help, and it's going to signal Just like a headache will tell you you're dehydrated, or a headache will tell you you're stressed. You have to listen to that and saying what's going on. Sure, you can take a Tylenol or a painkiller, but are you asking yourself why that headache occurred? Now, the big thing here is not one size fits all. I wish that you and I could go to this manual, or I could send you a link, and it's going to say if you follow these steps, you're going to break the cycle of overwhelm. But you're not going to be able to do that because each and every one of us is different. Each and every one of us are in unique situations.

Cathy: 23:03

I want you first to go, and if you have not downloaded my free resource called Three Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm, I break down. There are three stages of caregiver overwhelm and the symptoms so that you can identify which one you're in. The first one is caregiver stress. The second one is caregiver burnout. The third one is compassion fatigue. Now, you may bop around in these, especially going from stress to burnout to burnout to stress, based on your seasons that you're in. But this resource is for you to understand your overwhelm, for you to validate which stage you are in, and once you do that, then you can find ways to release and lower your overwhelm. So if you go to kathylvancom forward slash caregiver stress, you can go ahead and get this link and I'll have it in the show notes as well. So if you haven't gotten that, take advantage of that, because it's just a good reference to go ahead and validate where you're at and you might flow between two and then, once you start understanding it, you can start looking at how can I improve that.

Cathy: 24:21

Now you are not alone. I want to first of all tell you that because we all in this caregiver life are going to get stressed and we're going to have caregiver stress. But our goal as caregivers to show up as our best self is to learn ways to release that and get out of that burnout. And if you are in compassion fatigue, you need to go ahead and take accelerated steps, which may mean talking to somebody or finding an accountability or support group, because the fatigue area is definitely going to impact your mental and physical health. So here are some recent studies because I wanted to say you're not alone and there are some recent studies to show you that up to 70% of caregivers report experiencing symptoms of depression, which is a significant, with a significant portion also suffering from anxiety and chronic stress. This is particularly true among caregivers for individuals with chronic illnesses, meaning they have a chronic condition and it's happening over time. So I don't want to go ahead and discredit, though people caring for the elderly, because that is over time as well.

Cathy: 25:48

Now, burnout Nearly 60% of caregivers experience burnout, which includes emotional exhaustion, depersonalization meaning that they lose themselves and reduced personal accomplishment. Those are some of the effects of being in burnout. How many times maybe have you thought about or heard people say I just want to run away, I don't want to do this anymore? You are in burnout when you say that Now around 50% of caregivers which is so high and it's so scary, especially those caring for dementia patients experience compassion fatigue. It's characterized by emotional numbness and reduced ability to empathize. They are pressured and they are dealing with so many emotional pieces of the dementia disease. They are doing so much to go ahead and ensure the safety of their loved one that I think they're exhausted. They're exhausted and when you are in this emotional numbness and reduced ability to empathize, it is huge warning signal that we need to go ahead and I need to have you think about where can you go ahead and get the help that you deserve.

Cathy: 27:12

When I was a caregiver, I encourage I'm sorry when I work with caregivers and I do have coaching sessions available for caregivers. I encourage them if they're in any of these cycles. I encourage them to track their stress. It's similar to tracking a food journal. Let's say you wanted to improve your health. You track your food journal, but I want you to improve your health. You track your food journal, but I want you to track your stress.

Cathy: 27:45

Some of the questions you might ask yourself is when do you feel stress? What does it feel like? What caused the stress? We even dig into. I asked them to go ahead and, when they recognize that, I asked them in the last 24 hours what did they do? What did they eat? How did they sleep? What were the root causes? And it's really going ahead and rating your stress then and we come up with a formula where you go ahead and look at your stress and really identifying what it looks like. What do you feel like?

Cathy: 28:28

One common one that is a root cause of many people's stress is chronic worry, particularly about things beyond our control and beyond that caregiver's control, like a loved one's medical condition, can significantly contribute to stress. This kind of worry keeps the body in this constant state of alertness, similar to chronic stress, which can lead to negative health outcomes, such as high blood pressure, weakened immune system and increased risk of anxiety and depression that we talked about. Over time, this persistent stress can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion, reducing one's ability to provide effective care and, the most important thing, caring for yourself. I can't tell you the caregivers that I have talked to that have been clients of mine that have developed a heart attack or diabetes or had to be hospitalized because of a chronic condition that developed over time from the stress that developed over time from the stress. So if you are experiencing stress, I don't mean to scare you, but chronic stress is going to eventually catch up with you.

Cathy: 29:51

Managing the worry of like one of the causes, of the root causes, managing chronic worry often involves strategies. So if you came to me with chronic worry and we tracked it and we figured it out, then we have to figure out mindfulness practices, cognitive behavioral techniques. What type of support are you getting? Do you have a caregiver partner that you can talk to? Do you need therapy? Because the emotional illness is becoming a lot and you have a lot of emotional symptoms. I can't help with a lot of the emotional deep things maybe the trauma, the relationship, that kind of thing. So I will recommend you go to a therapist. Now I can help with the tactical things like let's look at all of the things on your plate. Are there anything that we can move into the efficiency category. Do you really need to do things? Where can you find free resources for help? Where do you have to pay for help? And we lay them all out and then you start working on some of those, because once you can go ahead and get time back and energy back, you're going to feel so much better. So that's what I work on, and so you want to be able to release the burden of what you can control and you want to help with the burden of things you can control and then release the things that you can't control.

Cathy: 31:24

Now I want to talk about cognitive behavioral techniques. You might see it as CBT are effective for managing chronic worry and I think they're really good for anything any kind of stress by helping individuals challenge and change unhelpful thought patterns, for example, identifying the worry thought. Let's say that you want to start by writing down the specific thought causing worry, causing anger, whatever it would be. In this worry situation, you might say I'm afraid my loved one condition will worsen. Then I'm going to say why are you worrying about it? What can you do instead?

Cathy: 32:11

If I think about my dad with pancreatic cancer? He was going to pass away, so why was I worried about his condition getting worse? I was worried that we wouldn't make him comfortable. How could we make him comfortable? And so we tackled the things that we could control and asked the questions and found the resources. That way, you also want to challenge the thought by examining the evidence, just like I talked about what evidence supports the thought, what evidence contradicts it. That sort of thing. I could sit and worry about my husband's cancer and he was diagnosed back in 2017. And I could say, okay, if I go out and Google the lifespan of somebody with this condition, he's already bypassed the five years, and why would I want to spend five years worrying about that? However, I do worry about some tactical things, but I can control those things. Replace the worry with more balanced thoughts, such as I can't control the future, but I can ensure that my dad, my husband, my mom are getting the best possible care. We're making sure we're tapping into all of those. I also can control that. I show up as my best self when I work on my well-being.

Cathy: 33:42

Now, another piece of the behavioral activation that was the thought piece. The other piece is your behavioral pieces by activities. You yourself want to schedule pleasant activities or movement or things that you can go ahead and get away from, engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation to counterbalance whatever you're feeling like the worry, helping to shift focus and reduce your overall stress. I can't tell you I said this last week like gardening or bowling or going for a walk will help counteract that. I think of like a balanced scale and you're balancing two things. Well, if worry is you're hitting the bottom when it comes to worry, then you have to counteract it by going ahead and doing something on the pleasant activities or finding joy piece.

Cathy: 34:40

So recognizing where you're caught in this overwhelmed cycle can be challenging, but there are key signs that you want to look out for. Go to my resource if you haven't done that but I'm going to give you some right now and if you say yes to a few of these, then you want to look at your overwhelm cycle. Are you constantly fatigued, exhausted? Do you have an inability to focus? You're struggling to concentrate or make decisions? It may suspect that you're overwhelmed. If worries like you're persistently worrying about caregiver tasks or your loved one conditions dominate your thought, you're likely in this cycle.

Cathy: 35:24

If you're feeling unusually irritable or frustrated, it can be your response to chronic stress, like anger or irritability. If you're neglecting your self-care, when you're skipping meals or you're replacing your meals with unhealthy choices, when you're drinking or neglecting exercise or you're avoiding social situations, it's a sign you're too overwhelmed. You just can't do it. And something that's good for you. You can't even see beyond it because you're so overwhelmed. Now, another thing that you can do think about is are you numb emotionally? You're feeling detached or emotionally distant from your loved one or others around you. This can be a sign that you're in overwhelm cycle. This detachment often happens as a protective medicine or mechanism.

Cathy: 36:22

When stress becomes too intense, you kind of put that shield up. You might have physical symptoms which we had talked about headaches, stomach issues, physical complaints like your back is so tighter, your neck is stressed. You're manifesting these conditions. Stress is manifesting in you physically and you're starting to experience things. You might have a bladder infection, or you're breaking out on your face and you've never had acne on your face and all of a sudden you're having acne. These are all signs that your body's telling you something is not right. Stress really affects us.

Cathy: 37:07

If you find yourself avoiding tasks or responsibilities, it could be because they feel too overwhelming. Right now You're avoiding them or you're procrastinating them, or you have procrastination I don't even know if procrastinating is a word, but anyway, yeah, something simple that you used to do. You don't even do it anymore. Or maybe you're feeling trapped or hopeless, maybe a sense that there's no way out of your situation and a belief that nothing you do will make a difference. I hear this over and over and over again and I tell anybody that I talk to. This is not you speaking, this is overwhelm speaking for you. Your mind and your body and your heart are just trapped. And you are. I tell them, you are an amazing person, but stress is taking over. Now you may also be neglecting those important relationships. When the overwhelm takes over, it can be easy to withdraw from friends and relationships and you're not going to social events anymore, which turns out to really, really exasperate feelings of isolation and stress. Then you know, I can't tell you. I've really distanced myself, when I was in the thick of caregiving, from a lot of my friends, a lot of my friends and there were many reasons, but the main reason was I was stressed and overwhelmed.

Cathy: 38:41

And the last one I want to talk about from a symptom perspective is increased reliance on unhealthy coping mechanisms. Oh, my goodness, I am the master of this. You're turning to things like excessive caffeine, alcohol, unhealthy eating habits, um Binging, netflix, not sleeping enough, any type of unhealthy coping mechanisms that you can think about sweets, chocolate, drive-thrus, whatever it would be. Because, obviously, when we're feeling stress, what do we want to go to Our body's telling us we need comfort, we need relaxation, and rightfully so. But you need to recognize that you do that when you're stressed, so that you can go ahead and break that cycle. So for the rest of the episode, I want to talk about steps to break the cycle, but my disclaimer is not one step will work for everyone, so you need to think about which steps work for you.

Cathy: 39:56

First of all, you have to acknowledge your feelings, and that's an important piece for everyone. You have to recognize and admit that you are overwhelmed and drop the sense of perfection, the sense of the martyr, the sense I have to do it all, there's nobody else. You have to acknowledge that it's okay to feel this way, and acknowledging it is crucial. You're validating your feelings. Then you need to figure out ways to prioritize your self-care. There is no other way to reduce your stress better than finding what works for you from a self-care perspective and regain some control perspective and regain some control. It could be simple things like deep breath work when you're in this immediate stress, or taking short walks, or even finding a few minutes of meditation. Now, you've heard me the last few weeks. I've talked about a simple five-minute morning routine or affirmations or visualization.

Cathy: 41:09

Another thing to break free is ask for help. This could be reaching out to a friend or family, finding another caregiver that you can talk to that understands and there's so much power in finding a caregiver buddy, somebody that you can go to to say I just need to vent. That's your venting room. That is your room where you're going to say, yeah, I need to vent, and then that person just lets you talk it out. Or a friend that will listen. Tell them I don't need somebody to fix it, I just need somebody to listen right now. Or you may need to hire a professional to help through your trauma and your emotions, or me as your caregiver coach to look at ways to go ahead and tactically look at your efficiencies and resources and lightening your load. You might look at ways that who can I delegate some of my responsibilities for and let go of myself doing it all.

Cathy: 42:15

Next one would be break tasks into smaller chunks. When it feels like too much, break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks. This can reduce the feeling. I brought up the task of cleaning my house. I used to just be a mad woman on Saturday mornings cleaning my house and that was my only free day. Well, instead I just do a little bit, one thing, two things every day, every morning when I had time. So on Saturday I didn't have to take four hours to clean my house and do all of the wash and everything. I did little things throughout the week and nothing added up.

Cathy: 42:57

Focus on what you can control is another one. Remind yourself that. Okay, why am I worrying about something I can't control? What, in this situation, could I control and let go of what you can't change and then think about what things you can change. When it comes to putting a manager hat on, there's where I can help you. We can put a manager hat on and saying okay, mom needs a bath three times a week. We need to change the sheets, maybe daily If they're wet. We need to grocery shop. We need to go ahead and refill her medicine all the time. We need to go ahead and do this, this, this and this. If we list them all out, then we can identify are there any efficiencies, are there anybody that can help, are there any resources that can help us, and so on. You also need to we talked a little bit about this one as well connect with others, whether that's a support group or friends or family. Connecting with others can provide emotional support and remind you you're not alone, remind you that you can have moments of joy, you can get out of the house. What can you do?

Cathy: 44:15

Another thing is establishing boundaries. Setting clear boundaries of what you can and cannot do can help you avoid burnout. My middle son I've watched my middle son master this in his 30s. He wasn't good in his 20s about establishing boundaries, but he is very good about knowing his boundaries and knowing how to communicate those. I love you, mom, but I'm taking the afternoon to myself. I've had a really rough week. Thank you for the invitation, but I need some time for myself and you know, by us communicating to each other, I just admire him or no. I want to go ahead and enjoy a concert when there's a family event. I already have it scheduled, but I'm sending good vibes to you all blah, blah, blah. And he establishes these boundaries where in the past, I would feel guilty and I would cancel my own and make sure that I was with my family when he knew what he needs to go ahead and stay on the path to happiness.

Cathy: 45:26

You also want to think about stress reduction techniques. This is where everybody is different. You want to think about mindfulness once, whether it be yoga or meditation, visualization affirmation, listening to a podcast, reading a book, whatever it would be deep breathing exercises. If you haven't, if you watch the Olympics, 99.9% of those athletes were doing deep chest breathing in their stressful moments. Or progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce the physical and mental symptoms. We had Dr JJ Kelly on here, oh, a little over a month ago, and she talked to me afterwards and said have you tried acupuncture, have you tried massage? And she was going through the different techniques that would help muscle relaxation. She talked about how, when she had hers in her most stressful time of her life, the tears just came out and out of her muscles and she started to go ahead and release the stress. Another thing is that we talk about this on this podcast.

Cathy: 46:39

A lot is practicing gratitude. Really, mindfulness practices like journaling, gratitude, going for a walk, thinking positive thoughts, looking at the positive on everything reduces the overwhelm and trains your brain. Another one is re-evaluate your experiences when you're journaling or you're taking note of. When you're stressed, you can go ahead and assess and reassess why that stress came up and then you can better understand what you need to do. Like yesterday I went for breakfast with my brother and my sister. We do that once a month and it's just. It recharges my battery. But today I found myself extra stressed. You know why? Because I ate like crap. Yesterday I had a big honking pancake Now you're starting to hear the Wisconsin big honking pancake with tons of syrup on it and a muffin and all this kind of stuff. I ate terrible, and so that high sugar caused tons of stress for me.

Cathy: 47:52

Another one is celebrating the wins. I know you guys like this because we did this. We talked about this a few episodes ago. By celebrating your wins, you could put those into your journal. You could do them at the end of your day, when you are laying in bed at night and just focusing on the positive things. That went well. I was able to go ahead and have lunch today, or I didn't yell at my mom after she got angry at me. That's a win for me, whatever it would be. Another thing is to create a routine, like we talked about morning routines, and visualize for your day and set yourself up for the day. We talked about that last week's episode.

Cathy: 48:38

If you want to go back, reflect and adjust, you know thinking about regularly, taking time to reflect on what's working and what isn't working and be open to adjusting and changing it up. If a teacher goes ahead and teaches their class, let's say because at school is starting here in Wisconsin, it may have started with you in other states already, but the teacher will go in with their lesson plan and be ready to go, but when she assesses at the end of the day, hey, I'm not sure if my style of teaching this is working. What could I do differently next time? Maybe she needs to bring them all over to the rug and make them sit on the floor and she sits in a higher chair above them versus at their desk, where they get distracted and can doodle and they can't always see the teacher from the back row. Whatever it would be, you need to reflect and adjust. There's no game plan that's surefold.

Cathy: 49:40

Another one is stay informed but not overwhelmed. It's important for you to stay informed on your loved one condition and treatment, but it's equally important for you not to be overwhelmed. Set yourself limits on how much time you spend researching or reading about their condition. Don't obsess. If you need the best possible place to go to research your loved one condition, you may ask your doctor, because Google will not always be right. Google will have inaccurate information and the internet will. So for me, I go out to the National Cancer Society or the specific things where I read about their condition. One of the nurse navigators said to me she goes I know you, kathy, you're going to be out there looking on the internet and researching and you're going to get into this rabbit hole and you're going to start reading the bad things. And she goes. It's not all bad.

Cathy: 50:41

Another one is practice acceptance. Some aspects of caregiving and your loved one's condition may be beyond your control. You have to just accept the emotional burden and the reality of the situation. You're going to have you work a job and not everything's going to be perfect right. You're going to have hard things to do. You're going to have things you don't like to do. You're going to have the crap, so you have to accept those things, but program those or place those where you feel at your best If you know that you have, in the morning you might have to wake up with sheets and a shower for your loved one. Just set yourself up knowing that you're going to have to do that. Maybe what you do is you accept it, you do your deep breaths or you sing something in your head and then you have everything set up the night before in case you have that. So some things are a little bit easier. We talked about this one last week to engage in positive visualization. You know, visualize the outcomes or a peaceful state of your mind to reduce stress and shift your focus from the worries to the good things that are happening.

Cathy: 52:02

Another one is use humor as a coping mechanism. Laughter can be a powerful stress reliever. Find humor in every day, in the situations. Watching something that makes you laugh is the perfect way. You know I love real videos, that I can laugh at these. Oh gosh, I have to do it. I don't remember the couple. There's a couple on the internet that puts out real videos and they are probably a middle-aged 30s, early 40s couple and they watch all of these videos out there and they look at and say, can I do this? And they try to go ahead and do what the videos of somebody else showed them and most of the time it is hilarious because they can't do it. And you know, one example that comes to mind is when Patrick Swayze took Baby in the Dirty Dancing movie and put her on up high and she had to do the jump in the lift. Well, they tried to do that and totally failed. You know that kind of thing and they would do that and I would be laughing so hard. But think about that as a stress relief. And then we talked about another one that I have on my list is monitor your stress levels and identify patterns.

Cathy: 53:22

Another one is seeking professional help Because if you're stressed and overwhelmed or unmanageable, causing you mental health issues like anxiety and panic attacks and that kind of thing, you may have to go ahead and look at thought therapy, cognitive behavior therapy and looking at practices that you can go ahead and do. I can certainly help you identify it. I can give you some ideas of what I've tried and then we can identify where you need to go ahead now and move to the next. How wonderful would it be if you went to a therapist and said this is what I know, this is what I've been practicing, this is what's working. This is not working. Can you help me go on from here? They're gonna be so thrilled that you are educated and know that Now.

Cathy: 54:14

The last one that I wanted to share with you is focus on the present moment instead of the future, especially if you're a worrier, especially if you're thinking ahead and saying I don't know if I can do this anymore. Practice mindfulness and focus on the present can really can help you manage stress and reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. That's why, in the morning, when you visualize your day, you're staying in the present. When you go to bed at night, you're going ahead and planning for the next day, but you're also taking a moment to say these are the things that I'm grateful for, these are the positive things that happened today, and you're staying in the present. Yes, so you're thinking what do I do with all of this information?

Cathy: 55:04

Kathy, this is a long episode. What am I going to do? I'm going to break it down for you. First of all, I want you to grab my free resource. If you haven't done that, go grab the link at the bottom and determine if you're in burnout, fatigue or stress. Identify which stage you're in right now. Remember this will change based on your season of caregiving and overall life. This will change based on your season of caregiving and overall life.

Cathy: 55:29

Then pay attention to what you do when you feel stress or in the cycle of overwhelm. Do you shut down? Do you eat? Does your blood pressure go up? Also, think about the causes of stress. Are you not getting a good night's sleep and you're more stressed the following day? Are you having bad eating? Did you have bad eating the day before? Did you take on too much? Are you in menopause? I'm just sensing that because I went through my whole premenopause state in caregiving or are you just burnt out? And then, what practices are you already trying? What's working? What's not working? Breaths, walk, calling a friend? What practices are you already trying? What's working? What's not working? Breaths, walk, calling a friend? What are you doing? Then? You need to take all of this info and work on a long-term strategy that you can take small steps. You're going to go ahead and it truly will take three to six months to go ahead and shut down this chronic burnout that you're in, or even more if you're in fatigue, but you're going to see progress each and every week if you stay with it.

Cathy: 56:38

Here's where I can help. If you're a coach if you want to coach I talked about I can help you with the tactical validation and identifying it. Incorporate the right self-care and that's one of the things that we'll talk about is what are you doing from a mindfulness practice and what exercise are you doing? Is it causing you too much stress or is it helping you? Are you taking respite care? There's an email that I got and she knows who she is. If you're listening right now, you know she says every three months she rents an Airbnb with a friend and takes a break from caregiving. She has somebody coming in to take care of her loved one another relative and she takes it and I told her I admire you because that is a huge strategy that's probably helping her tremendously. And then look for efficiencies and resources to make your schedule better, make your stress better and life more manageable. So I know I gave you so much information, so just let me wrap up with just a few more minutes here.

Cathy: 57:55

As we wrap up today's episode, I want to leave you with this powerful reminder Taking care of yourself isn't just an added bonus. It's essential to being the best caregiver you can be. Each small step, like taking deep breaths when you feel pressure, or prioritizing a full night's sleep, can make a significant difference. These actions may seem minor, but they accumulate over time, helping you show up as your best self for your loved one and really for yourself in general. So remember, progress starts with the small choices you make every day. You're doing an incredible job, my friend, and don't forget to care for yourself along the way. Until next week, my friend, let me know what you think. I hope that you enjoyed this episode and remember I am a message away. Click that Send Cathy a Message button and we can connect a little bit further. Or you're always invited to go ahead and connect with me on Instagram, facebook or through my email. Bye for now.