The Caregiver Cup Podcast

Is Caregiver False Confidence Leading to Stress and Burnout?

June 04, 2024 Cathy VandenHeuvel Episode 216
Is Caregiver False Confidence Leading to Stress and Burnout?
The Caregiver Cup Podcast
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The Caregiver Cup Podcast
Is Caregiver False Confidence Leading to Stress and Burnout?
Jun 04, 2024 Episode 216
Cathy VandenHeuvel

Send Cathy a text:)

Are you feeling overwhelmed and isolated because you think you should handle everything alone. In this episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, we unpack the sneaky nature of caregiver false confidence. I'll share my personal journey through the pitfalls of overestimating my abilities and the cultural pressures that led to my stress and burnout. Together, we’ll explore reflective questions to identify the roots of this false confidence and uncover practical strategies to manage it effectively.

We'll dive into the critical role of self-confidence in caregiving and how a fixed mindset can spell trouble. I share my experiences to highlight the dangers of refusing to seek help and embracing perfectionism, which can escalate stress and compromise the quality of care. By addressing these issues, we stress the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between self-assurance and humility, and the need for continuous learning and support.

The episode wraps up with a meaningful discussion on the importance of honest self-assessment to avoid the emotional and physical toll of caregiving. We explore various tools and strategies for self-evaluation, like journaling, seeking feedback, and professional support. By recognizing our limitations, staying educated, and prioritizing our well-being, we can ensure we provide the best care possible.

Tune in to hear heartfelt listener stories, gain insights, and get inspired to embrace a balanced caregiving approach.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Send Cathy a text:)

Are you feeling overwhelmed and isolated because you think you should handle everything alone. In this episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, we unpack the sneaky nature of caregiver false confidence. I'll share my personal journey through the pitfalls of overestimating my abilities and the cultural pressures that led to my stress and burnout. Together, we’ll explore reflective questions to identify the roots of this false confidence and uncover practical strategies to manage it effectively.

We'll dive into the critical role of self-confidence in caregiving and how a fixed mindset can spell trouble. I share my experiences to highlight the dangers of refusing to seek help and embracing perfectionism, which can escalate stress and compromise the quality of care. By addressing these issues, we stress the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between self-assurance and humility, and the need for continuous learning and support.

The episode wraps up with a meaningful discussion on the importance of honest self-assessment to avoid the emotional and physical toll of caregiving. We explore various tools and strategies for self-evaluation, like journaling, seeking feedback, and professional support. By recognizing our limitations, staying educated, and prioritizing our well-being, we can ensure we provide the best care possible.

Tune in to hear heartfelt listener stories, gain insights, and get inspired to embrace a balanced caregiving approach.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

Speaker 1:

Well, hello, my friend, and welcome to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. I'm in my office recording my episode today and there's thunderstorms out, so I have my dogs in my room because they're afraid of the thunder and the loud noises, so you may hear some pitter-patter or some playing going on, but I'm just going to go with it today because I know you and I are friends. So today's episode we're going to talk about our caregiver beliefs, this one I am so guilty of and been working on and grappling with for such a long time in my seven years of caregiving, and if I don't get it under control, it affects my well-being and my relationships. So in this podcast I'm going to deep dive into what I call caregiver false confidence, and I can't take the word false confidence as my own creation, because there are so many people out there that talk about hero confidence or false confidence. The one thing that made me write this on my episode list was when I heard an episode from Mel Robbins and she talked about false confidence, and she talked about the good false confidence that you need. Let's say you're doing a speech in front of somebody or you're going to sing something. That's when you need to just's say, you're doing a speech in front of somebody or you're going to sing something. That's when you need to just fake your confidence. But as caregivers, we can't really fake everything and I want to talk about that.

Speaker 1:

So let me ask you these three questions and if you can relate to one or more, this is going to be an episode for you and these are factors that contribute to caregiver false confidence. Are you a caregiver that thinks you can do it all but you find out very fast that you are stressed, stretched or overwhelmed. Are you a caregiver that has to do it all? It's an expectation? Maybe it's an expectation based on your culture or the society realms that you know that there is no other way or you don't think any other way? Or the third one are you a family caregiver and that's expected of you to take on the primary role of caregiver and you don't have a choice? We're going to talk about these and I'm not saying right or wrong, we're just going to talk about all of it and really deep into it. I want to talk about these few factors and we want to identify all the factors to caregiver false confidence. We want to talk about the whys and the reasons. We want to talk about the consequences and the ways to protect your well-being and be the best caregiver that you can be.

Speaker 1:

And before we get in, though, I want to do some shout-outs today, before we get started, because last week was the first week that I added this new feature of mine, which is called text messaging. If you don't know what I'm talking about, this podcast now has a text feature for you to send me a text. If you look in the show notes, you're going to see one of the very first links is send Kathy a text, and I read each and every one of them, and I'm so glad that this feature was added from my podcast host, because you sit here and there is no way to go ahead and click a reply on a podcast. Normally, you just go ahead and share it and you hope that you connect, and now I can read them. I can't reply back to them yet, but I know that this host company is working on that, so let me give a shout out to three people who texted me last week. This one is from the text gives us the location of your cell phone, so wherever you bought your cell phone and your location of your number.

Speaker 1:

This one is from Southbound Brook, new Jersey, on May 28th, and she said sending prayers and thoughts for the upcoming results. And that was on Dennis's results and thank you very much because his results came back really positive, really positive. The immune therapy is working. The next one is from Pittsburgh, pennsylvania, on May 24. And it says Hi, kathy, hear what I'm done with. And on the episode that we talked about, what are you done with? She had said, or he or she had said clothes with zippers, dinners with more than five to six ingredients, not setting boundaries, feeling like I need to respond to every phone call or text message. You're the best. Thanks for all you do. Isn't it nice to be able to just say yes, I can relate to that and I love when I get affirmation because I know I'm on the same course and I'm providing you with valuable information. And the third one is from Atlanta, georgia, on May 21st.

Speaker 1:

It said I found your podcast and it is so inspirational. Thank you very much. I've been a caregiver for almost a year tube feeding, pharmacies, doctor appointments and grocery stores. My bubble, cancer sucks. I just want to reach out and hug you and saying yeah, cancer sucks, and you know we feel for you and I hope that you find inspiration in this podcast going forward as well. I also want to thank anybody who shares their reviews and goes the extra mile and goes out to their podcast app and gives me a review and I get a five-star review this month from Cindy Cindy T678. And it was regarding the Motivation Mojo podcast that I did and this episode is so inspiring. She says and Kathy gives so many heartfelt, wonderful tips and tricks to overcome feeling down when you are having a bad day. I am saving this one to listen to again. Thank you, kathy, for your wonderful episode means the world to me because when I get reviews, then the podcast, like Apple, recognizes it and it bubbles up and is shown to more caregivers. Since I don't use ads yet in my advertising, I do everything through the freebie channels like social media, through the podcast, and do everything as scrappy as I can. So thank you very, very much for going ahead and sharing that.

Speaker 1:

If you have any questions or you want to leave a comment or have a topic you want discussed, please drop me a text with that link in the show notes or leave me a review on your podcast app if you think this is something that others should share. Or, if you're on my email list, hit that reply button too. Next week I'll share some of those replies that I get and the messages mean so much to me. I actually run down our steps because my office is upstairs in our two-story home and I share them with my husband and he's like, oh, I think he thinks I'm insane, but I do a happy dance and I share the message and I go back to work. It's just like my fuel.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's jump into the episode on caregiver false confidence, and I want to talk about it Because I think that you know how many times have you heard people say to you you got this girl, you got this. They try to provide you with some inspirational words. Or your loved one is so happy to or so lucky to have you. I've heard this over and over again. Or my mom would say to me Kathy, I don't know what I would do without you, and that kind of feeds into my false self-confidence and it gives me this desire to keep going, no matter what it is. Or somebody may ask how do you do it all? You are unbelievable, and those compliments are nice to have, but it also provides you with some false self-confidence. It may feel good to hear these, but deep inside you're wilting right or you're a mess, or you're so over the head or over your head.

Speaker 1:

Self-confidence plays a crucial role in lives of caregivers and we need that self-confidence when we go into the doctor's office or we're doing something and we need to go ahead and continue to do it. We need that confidence and that drive and that motivation and self-confidence helps us with our ability to provide effective care and hopefully maintain our own well-being, to provide effective care and hopefully maintain our own well-being. When I was running my half marathons before I became a caregiver, I would instill in me this self-confidence and just keep building up my miles to say I'm getting better. I'm getting better and I build it and it was crucial for me to do it. But I want to talk about the flip side Caregiver false confidence is where caregivers believe they can manage all aspects of caregiving without help or set unrealistic expectations for themselves, and it can be seen as a combination of mindset, personal traits and external factors, and we're going to talk about all of these today personal traits and external factors, and we're going to talk about all of these today.

Speaker 1:

When I became a new caregiver in 2017, and I still remember, like really remember walking in and my dad was having his first chemotherapy treatment and I never stopped to look back at anything to look at the situation I did. I just jumped in and did what I needed to do and took it on. I was working, I was running a direct sales business very successful one training for a half marathon and, along with my personal relationships and commitments and my home life, and I just put on the confidence that I'll figure it out and I can do it all. I'm a high achiever, I'm a go-getter, I can get this done. I think it's completely normal for us to feel this way, or we feel that things can fall off to the side and we can figure it out with this confidence that we have.

Speaker 1:

But there are factors that contribute to our false confidence and I want to talk about these, and they can be detrimental, and we're going to talk about them being detrimental to our health, contributing to stress and burnout. So the first one I want to talk about is our mindset. I think everybody knows, or you kind of know, what the difference between a fixed or a closed mindset, and in somebody that's open and in growth. We're going to talk about the negative one, or the fixed mindset, where we believe that our abilities and skills are inherent and unchangeable. We believe things cannot be significantly improved or adapted over time, and so we believe that we can handle all of the caregiver challenges. We have this cape on, we have the Hercules shoulders. We see the skills as static and unchangeable rather than something that can be developed through learning and experience.

Speaker 1:

I worked in an insurance company for 33 years. I only worked in the insurance side as a rep for seven. The rest of the years were in education and development and org development. But I knew enough about claims and insurance and I can go ahead and handle this. I can communicate effectively. So I went in with this fixed mindset. I avoided help and additional resources at first, because I can figure this out.

Speaker 1:

I'm the oldest in the family and I might feel that asking for help is an admission of failure or inadequacy. Even when I got stuck, I didn't want to admit it. We may have a fear of failing, because fail would imply a lack of inherent ability. This can lead to stress and anxiety and they feel, or we feel, that we must improve our sufficiency by managing everything perfectly on our own, and I think moms feel this way, I think bosses feel this way. We could go on and on.

Speaker 1:

So some of the behaviors of having a fixed mindset we overestimate our capabilities. We resist learning. Even last week when we talked with, when I interviewed Danae, she talked about having that caregiver manual that was given to her for her dad who had fighting cancer. She didn't look at it until her dad was diagnosed in his third year. I was the same way. I don't need it, I know how to take care of myself and I'll figure it out as I go.

Speaker 1:

And instead of being open to learning, another fixed mindset behavior is reluctancy to delegate. You think that you can do it all, or nobody's better than you, or your loved one doesn't need that. And then the fourth one is perfectionism. Are you a perfectionist? Do you hold yourself to unrealistic expectations? What does that look like? I'm kind of that way if somebody would come and clean my house because I like everything, just so, and I don't think in my mind I have to fight it all the time that somebody else can do just as good of work or even better than me. So the impacts to a fixed mindset and you're going to hear a common theme here is increased stress and burnout, because the pressure to handle everything perfectly without seeking help or delegation can lead to burnout.

Speaker 1:

Another one where caregivers feel isolation. Another one where caregivers feel isolation and many times when I'm coaching a caregiver we have to unpack why they feel lonely, why they feel isolated, and a lot of times it's because they're taking on too much or they have this fixed mindset. And the third impact is the quality of care, and I'm talking about both to your loved one and yourself being your quality of care and you're not going ahead and balancing that. Okay, let's go to the second. Then I'm trying to think of what the word I use for the second factor to false confidence, and that is overestimating your abilities. And we talked a little bit about it in the mindset, but I want to get into it Self-efficacy. I can't say the word efficacy, it's E-F-F-I-C-A-C-Y and that's overestimating. You have this high desire of really overestimating and looking at managing the ability, I'm trying to think about how to say this and I can't say it. So if you know how to say it, send me a text with all of the phonetic symbols, fanatic symbols, and you take on and you manage it all and you have this overestimating ability.

Speaker 1:

Your belief can be empowering and motivating and leading to proactive problem solving and resilience. But your overestimations lead to false confidence, because many positive aspects is that you can't do it all. You believe in handling all the tasks and eventually those tasks become so exhausting. Something so simple now feels like you are weighted down with a ball and chain. Something so simple you underestimate that you need help. And something as simple as bringing in somebody into the home to go ahead and sit with mom, for example, while you run errands or while you go ahead and take a nap, is going to help you. You don't see that as an issue right now is going to help you. You don't see that as an issue right now. You think you can do it all. You reject offers and somebody says what can I do to help? And you just kind of say I'm fine. You ignore the stress and burnout and you start ignoring it by thinking I'm just having a bad day. If I get a good night's sleep, tomorrow will be a better day. And this emotional strain and this fatigue and exhaustion just builds and builds and builds and it builds into things like anger or lack of focus, or you start getting sick, or you're edgy.

Speaker 1:

Whatever it would be, think about what it looks like and you avoid realistic time to evaluate it. Instead of asking yourself, why am I not myself? You just deal with coping mechanisms, whether they be healthy or unhealthy. And I mean I'll use the example of my stomach issues. I started developing serious stomach issues about a year into my caregiving, where I had heartburn, my stomach hurt, so I had reflux and I had digestive issues all of that. And I thought well, you know, I'm not eating well, or well, you know, I would just blow it up. And so I would go to the doctor and saying something's going on, maybe I have the flu or something. And then I would medicate myself, which is good to do because you don't want it to turn into something serious. But until I stopped and really looked at the cause and the root cause of it, which was stress, I was never going to fix it. The doctor would just increase my medication, I would just go ahead and change medications, I would go ahead and mask the symptoms, and so we overestimate our false confidence there, and the last one was avoid realistic self-assessment, and the negative impacts are going to be pretty much the same thing again.

Speaker 1:

You increase your risk of burnout, your health can decline, your quality of care changes. Maybe now you're starting to build resentment, and then you you develop emotional and mental health issues along with it. You start beating yourself up because you failed or you feel guilty for thinking this way, or you become frustrated and you start blaming things on it. It can lead to anxiety and depression and sleep issues and all of that. And so when I start dealing with clients or I read things about people struggling, they're like I just want to give it up. I don't want to do this anymore, that kind of thing, and it's probably because they've been taking on too much and they have this ability or this self-efficacy. I can't say the word. I'm just so frustrated. But they have this overestimating thoughts that they can do it all, and so that's where they're at.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and so the third one is personality traits, and this is one that I was just like glued to my research when I was doing it. False confidence in caregivers driven by personality traits such as perfectionism, altruism, resilience, stochasm, can have significant negative impacts on their well-being and their quality of care they provide. Because I was glued to this, because I'm telling caregivers to go ahead and in my three years on this podcast build, you have to be empowered, you have to go ahead and be resilient, but when it comes to false confidence, it can have a negative impact, especially when you're a perfectionist. So are you a perfectionist or have perfectionism traits? Because, if you are, you set unrealistic high standards for yourself. Right away.

Speaker 1:

What comes to my mind is my to-do list. I will go into a day thinking that, optimistically, I have all this time and I can get 10 things done on my to-do list, and when I fall behind, I start beating myself up and I panic, almost in a way. This perfectionism trait gets me in trouble, and so let's talk about when you are a perfectionist. The impacts are you're constantly striving for perfectionism, which can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, the fear of making mistakes and not meeting the high expectations, and it creates a pressure cooker environment. Something simple as going into a doctor's office and you need to ask all these questions and you just weren't able to explain yourself and then you beat yourself up. Perfectionists are at higher risk of burnout as they push themselves to the limit yes, can you relate? Often neglecting their own needs to achieve perfectionism and caregiving tasks. If I have that to-do list, I want to get everything done and my needs are probably at the bottom.

Speaker 1:

A perfectionist mindset can make caregivers less adaptable to changes and challenges, as they might struggle to cope with the situation because it deviates from their ideal situation. If something goes wrong, if something happens differently that day, it throws everybody off, or even something as simple as your high expectations. You can't expect the help to have the same type of high expectations. They do things differently. They have a different personality. High standards can strain relationships with your loved one. Other family members my brother, my sister are different than me. They're going to handle situations a lot different, some of them better than me, some of them not as good as me, and I have to be okay with that. But I can be critical or over-controlling, if I let it.

Speaker 1:

When you talk about altruism, which means self-sacrifice, it might feel like an moral obligation to manage all the caregiving tasks by yourself. But you have to believe that these are unrealistic self-expectations and you're providing yourself with this false confidence and when you do this that you often put your loved one needs above your own. It leads to neglect of your own personal health and well-being and mental health. The isolation comes in. And when you're isolated, the isolation comes in. And when you're isolated, how many times maybe have you just been too exhausted to meet up with somebody when they wanted to go ahead and meet up with you? Or you just now isolate yourself because it's easier that way and you don't have to fight with your loved one saying that I need to get away or I want to go ahead and go to this bridal shower or whatever way, or I want to go ahead and go to this bridal shower or whatever.

Speaker 1:

It can lead to emotional exhaustion and compassion fatigue. You can feel guilt and resentment because you're telling yourself you're not doing enough. And then let's talk about resilience and stoicism, which is emotional toughness, and this is where I was like glued and I was like, oh my gosh. You pride yourself on resilience and emotional toughness and you may project false confidence to avoid appearing vulnerable or incapable. Think about you. If you're ready to break, you just kind of pick yourself up and you're saying I can't do this right now and it may be good for a short period of time, but you can't do that forever. You might suppress your own needs and stress in the belief that showing strength is essential right now and when you suppress your emotion you're constantly doing that you can lead to significant emotional and psychological issues like depression and anxiety. The stress of maintaining a facet of toughness can manifest physically, causing issues such as hypertension or high blood pressure, headaches or other related issues.

Speaker 1:

By not showing up vulnerable and stoic, caregivers may not seek or receive the support that they need and it leads to further isolation and burnout. I go in sometimes as an advocate and they see that I'm all positive and upbeat and that may deter them giving me additional support or giving me an additional resource. And so if they come to me and saying, how are you? I have to be honest with them. Over time you as a caregiver, you have to address that your own needs can impair the ability to provide high quality care. It depletes your emotional and physical health.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the fourth factor is external influences, and you may hear the words heroic caregiver sometimes put into this external influence, but we're talking about society norms and cultural expectations, and cultural and social norms are saying that caregivers are selfless heroes who can manage everything. This external pressure can lead to caregivers or us to internalize our expectations, resulting in false confidence. We might hear caregivers say we have to do it. That's just the way it is. The heroic image creates immersed pressure to live up to these unrealistic expectations, leading to chronic stress as caregivers strive to meet these expectations. Yeah, isn't that true? Us, as caregivers, may avoid seeking help or admitting the struggle due to fear of shattering the idealized image of a perfect caregiver. Or for me to let my mom down, to let my spouse down. The pressure to conform to society norms can contribute to anxiety, depression or feeling of inadequacy and we fall short of the unrealistic expectation.

Speaker 1:

Think about the caregiver. Unrealistic expectation. Think about the caregiver. And I've heard so many. You know, people talk, you know and I think I'm more, I'm more apt to hear things more because I'm in this space so much. But people may talk about the caregiver that's going and doing and living their life Right and they're doing it their way, which is the right way to go ahead and saying, yep, I have help on this day and I'm making sure I'm doing this for myself, I'm working my job, I'm coordinating the schedule, and people may see that as a negative from a society norm. Even your loved one may see that as negative, but you have to do it the best way so that you can show up as the best caregiver.

Speaker 1:

We have to break the society norms, as the woman, the daughter always has to take care of the parent, or the spouse has to give up everything so that they can care for their loved one. Now, if that's something you want to do, that's fine, but there's such a big thing about society and cultural things. Now, some religions refer they have to do that. So I work with caregivers to say what things can we add, though that doesn't break the cultural norms. Another thought is the image of cultural norms and cultural expectations and social norms. It perpetuates the myth that caregivers do not need help when, on the flip side, they do, which can discourage society effort, the societal efforts to provide adequate support and resources. Until we break the glass ceiling I'm going to use that analogy we're going to stay stuck as caregivers. We have to break that glass ceiling or that societal norm to say it's okay to go ahead and and and care, give the way that you want it. It reminds me of working moms. Some moms want to be home with their children. That's great. I love it. I think that's care. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but there's some moms that want to still be a mom but also want to pursue their career, and that's taken a long time and it's still an issue.

Speaker 1:

Another impact to external influences is family dynamics, which I talked about, is the family has to take care of the parent. My husband and I are talking about this right now, and I know that my vision when I become the loved one I do not want my children to have to be tied down, and this is just a bad way of saying this. I want it to look different for them. I want them to be able to see that they don't have to give up and self-sacrifice everything. There is a way and I'm working through different thoughts and ideas, and eventually I will meet with them and come up with my plan with them to say you know, I want to go ahead and bring in help in my home. I want these different agencies to support. These are all of the pieces that you can go ahead and we can manage together, so that you don't have to be with me 24-7. You can do the. You know we can go ahead and manage it together.

Speaker 1:

And so family members might have high expectations, though, for the caregiver. Especially my mom and dad did, and they would reinforce that. You know, I hope you take care of me, I don't want to be in a home, and all of these things, and that weighed into it and I caved into that. This can push caregivers like myself to project confidence. Even when I'm struggling.

Speaker 1:

I would put up a good front, and eventually it did strain my relationship with my mom and I felt resentment. I felt isolation and the pressure to go ahead and be with my mom and put my friendships and my relationships on hold, my networks on hold. I did feel overwhelmed and burnt out. I did feel, like I said, resentment and guilt towards my family, towards my mom. Even for a while there with my husband and I didn't reach out for support and resources, and so that really does. And so caregivers who lack access to support and resources may feel like they have no choice but to handle everything themselves as well, and so that's another part of the social norms factor. We don't see the support resources or other caregivers modeling different ways, and so they feel like they have to handle it all, and so they feel like they have to handle it all, and that leads to their health deteriorating, lack of extra care for themselves, or maybe their quality of the care for their loved one is different. They feel isolated and burnt out and I just didn't want to lose sight of that.

Speaker 1:

All these factors I talked about fixed mindset, overestimation of abilities which I'm not going to say the other word personal traits and external influences contributes to a phenomenon known as caregiver false confidence. This false confidence does lead to significant stress and burnout. Caregivers feel immense pressure to meet both their own and other expectations, often without recognizing the limitations or seeking their own support that they need. And the big thing here is you can do it for a short term, but prolonged exposure to this stress without relief leads to burnout. Burnout manifests as physical, emotional and mental exhaustion, diminishing interest in caregiving and decreased effectiveness in your caregiving role. I mean, I know people that have been caregiving for 10 years and I know great caregivers that are excelling and doing it very well. And I see other caregivers that have had heart attacks, that have now health issues, that just have terrible, terrible resentment which they'll never be able to fix. But we can move it back. We can move the needle back a little bit Now, if you have not gotten my free resource on the three stages of caregiver overwhelm.

Speaker 1:

It is very enlightening to be able to look to see. Are you in caregiver stress, burnout or compassion fatigue? So go out to kathylvancom forward, slash stress and get that free resource. For sure for you to look at that, because that's your first step. Because assessing false confidence as a caregiver involves reflection and honest evaluation of your own abilities, your knowledge and understanding of your caregiving role. That's what I do when I coach caregivers. That's what we talk about in the Empowerful Caregiver School. That's why I do this podcast, because when you're looking at your, the first thing that you want to do is, if you kind of feel that you have this caregiver false confidence, you want to really do an honest assessment and look at what's happening with you and understand the needs for yourself and the needs for your loved one, identify any knowledgeable gaps like medical care, emotional support, get feedback from other people as well on what.

Speaker 1:

If you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, what are my opportunities? Maybe you just sit and brainstorm them out. Maybe you have an email address to your care coordinator or your loved one's care coordinator, or you have a caregiver coach, like me, and you want to ask me what do you think I do a 30-minute free chat with you? You could ask me those questions in 30 minutes and if we wanted to work together going forward, we could. If not, you've got some free stuff and you're ready to go, so go to kathielvancom forward slash chat and do that. You also want to think about what education and training is out there. Maybe you continue to listen to the Caregiver Cup podcast, thank you.

Speaker 1:

I have lots of episodes. This one is 216. So I have 216 episodes that you can go ahead and search the titles and start looking at things. Google, I mean you can go ahead and look out there and you can search and watch videos out there. You can attend the Empowerful Caregiver School. You can get my 17 shifts to a better caregiving. You can look at those. I have free resources all the time, so you want to start looking at those. Then you also want to monitor your outcomes.

Speaker 1:

What's happening with you physically and emotionally, what's happening every day. That's why every day I journal and right now I'm on this kick where I rate myself on a scale of one to 10. And how is my day going? And then I journal about that and it's really. The journal asks me how are you really on a scale of one to 10? What's happening today? Yeah, I've been journaling about it. I actually journaled myself as an eight today, which I never give myself a high grade, but I didn't get up at all last night. That's the first time in probably three months. I'm a person that gets up all the time.

Speaker 1:

What are your behavior changes and moods? And you may have to ask somebody else hey, what are you noticing differently about me now that I'm stuck in this caregiver role? Be honest with me and look at your personal well-being. As another one, if I added something maybe I did a walk, or maybe I journal am I changing things? You might need to go ahead and hire somebody like a therapist or a coach. Yeah, use those. You might have to create some checklists for yourself, or you might have to just work on your mindset. You want to think about your assessing. Remember, I'm here to help.

Speaker 1:

Well, as I conclude, today I'm thankful that the dogs didn't even make any noise and it's black outside. We're getting thunderstorms out here galore today. Lucy is laying down and she is in this flat position. She almost looks like a horse laying down, and Eddie must be laying on the bed now he left the room, so I'm like, yes, I got through a podcast episode without any noise, but I want to thank you for joining me on this episode today where we delved into the important topic of caregiver false confidence. I don't think very many caregivers talk about this.

Speaker 1:

This is an issue I personally grapple with and try to understand deeply. It's essential for us, as caregivers, to recognize when our confidence may be unfounded or masked and to take steps to assess and address it before it leads to burnout. You can't fake it till you make it. All the time you know you have to go ahead and address to say why am I lying to myself? Why am I masking this? By practicing self-reflection, seeking feedback, pursuing continuous education and really looking at the health of yourself and your loved one, you're going to be a better caregiver.

Speaker 1:

Remember, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to admit when we don't know something. It's okay to take time for your self-care. The biggest gift that you could give yourself is to assess where you're at. If you are in burnout, you want to assess it, embrace it and then start working on it. If you ever feel overwhelmed or unsure, know that you're not alone. It's a common thing in caregiving it is. I'm here to support you on this journey and together we can navigate the challenges of caregiving with confidence, with empowerment, with compassion, and we can do that together. So thank you for listening and until next time, remember, take care of yourself and your loved one, and don't forget to text me your thoughts too. Remember. Caregiving is more than caring for your loved one. You have to be well to show up as your best self. You need to build a personalized toolkit and work out what's best for you. So until next time, my friend. Bye for now.

Caregiver False Confidence
Caregiver False Confidence and Mindset Factors
Caring for Caregivers
Caregiver Stress and Burnout
Caregiver False Confidence Assessment and Support