Caregiver Reset: Finding Clarity and Balance After Burnout

After years of caregiving on high drive, I finally took a break—and it was harder than I expected. Slowing down felt foreign, and for the first time, I realized how much I had been running on stress and urgency. In this episode, I’m sharing my personal journey of stepping back, finding clarity, and learning to balance my well-being with caregiving.

Can you take a break without feeling guilty? Can you live a day without being "on edge"? Let’s talk about the importance of true respite time—why it’s essential, how it brings clarity, and how you can integrate small, meaningful changes to prioritize both your loved one and yourself.

Plus, I’m back with a fresh perspective on the podcast, my business, and what’s next for this incredible community. Tune in for an honest conversation about resetting, realigning, and embracing a new rhythm in caregiving. 💛

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Importance of Taking Breaks
• 9:09 Finding Balance and Setting Priorities

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Well, welcome, my friend, to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Kathy here and I am so glad to be back behind the microphone. I know I took a few weeks off and I told you that I may be taking off longer, but in this episode today I want to share the journey of me taking some time away and the things that I have experienced and the benefits of taking that time off in my process that I went through, so that you can go ahead and maybe take a few tidbits from me today. But before we get started, let me give you an update on my spouse. My spouse is holding his own. He goes by the time you hear this episode he will have his sixth cycle of chemotherapy, the infusion one where the IV goes in, and he can only of this medication or this pharmaceutical injections. He only can go ahead and go up to six cycles because it is very taxing on the body. So we're celebrating hopefully we will be celebrating that he's finished this one and he's also taking his chemotherapy pill twice a day as well, and so this should be a pretty tough recovery from this one, but otherwise he had a really good week. He gets an infusion and then he's got a week of being sick and then in between he has a really good few days and he had a really nice week off where he didn't feel a whole lot worse and he was able to go ahead and enjoy it. However, the weather in Wisconsin during last week was extremely cold, and so we became, you know, homebodies in our little house here, because the windchills were below zero and it was frigid, minus temperatures and so we spent a lot of time indoors, which is okay as well. I had some dental appointments that I had to go through, and so we just kind of spent that time together.

Speaker 1: 2:23

But, like I said, it's been a little bit since I've officially went back-to-back episodes. I took a couple weeks off there, but I didn't realize that I really needed a break, and not necessarily just from the podcast, but in general a break where I just did nothing. I really did just. You know, you did the household chores, but I didn't do a lot of everything else. It was that first, that first week that I took off. It was hard for me to rest because it started at the end of January, and it was really hard for me to rest, and I'll talk about it in just a minute. But over eight years all I did was go, go, go, go go. And sure I took some hours off or I took a day off, but when it became a week and two weeks, and then really three weeks with the exception of doing one podcast episode I just took a rest. I walked the dogs, I did reading, I painted, I just was being in the moment.

Speaker 1: 3:41

Unfortunately, I chipped some teeth and had some teeth issues, so I had a dentist appointment in between. But I went into that dentist appointment a little less stressed and I was a little calmer than I usually was. This past weekend I got to watch my granddaughter, who's in sixth grade in her middle school play, and boy is she a ball of energy, and so that was really nice. But the whole time it gave me time to think. It gave me time to really look at what my internal self was doing and thinking and how I was processing and how I was coping with all of this.

Speaker 1: 4:32

And I realized that when I slowed down and stopped, I didn't know what, didn't know. It's kind of like you quit your job and then you don't have anything else to do and at first it's like okay, those first few days it's like, okay, it's really great. But then I felt lost, I felt unsettled. I started self-sabotaging myself, I started calling myself lazy, which is crazy. I wasn't lazy, I was resting. But why and I don't know if it's you, you feel this way or not, or maybe women in general why do we feel when we have an hour and we just decide we just want to just sit, we want to read, we want to watch a movie, we want to just, you know, take a nap? Why is that lazy when, especially as caregivers, we need it? I didn't know how to live a day like I should be living.

Speaker 1: 5:43

I don't know how to explain this, but after eight years of stress and intense schedules, because most of the time that I've been caregiving with the exception of this last year I've had dual caregiving. I care for my mom and my spouse, I caregiver, caregiver for my dad and my spouse. I was even working and doing a side business as well, and I think I want to refer to it like living on the edge of just everything, or living in high drive, not in, you know, not living in like a speed. If I had to compare it, I wasn't cruising like a cruise ship, I was like in a speedboat and always going fast, fast, fast. Maybe I had my moments of living with, with restless but not a normal drive contributed to it. I don't know, but I really believe because I programmed myself for eight years. I just kept, just keep going, keep going, keep going, kathy. So I thought about this.

Speaker 1: 7:03

I taught myself, like I said, in these eight years to be in high drive. I became the master of efficiencies and the master of hacks and simplicity and figuring out how to juggle everything. You know caregiving for one and caregiving for two, running my business, and you know even things like you, things like taking care of all the administrative stuff and housework and lawn work. You just become a master of this and you try to figure it all out. If I would feel overwhelmed or stressed, I would teach myself to find small hacks or shifts to adjust to the change, or I would ask for help or whatever. These truly worked for me to manage my stress and manage the season and challenges like moving your body or fueling your body or taking breaks, looking for gratitude, journaling and more are all good things to go ahead and manage your overwhelm and stress, but you can't keep going on and on and on without a true break or a respite time just for you to rest.

Speaker 1: 8:23

And sure, as caregivers, we might take a long weekend or we might take a day off, or maybe a half a day off or an hour off, but I'm talking about stepping away from the day to day for days or a week or weeks. I know what you're saying right now. You're shaking your head and going. I don't know if I could do this and, to be honest with you, I didn't do it. I didn't step away from Dennis, but I stepped away from almost everything else. I went to a couple of appointments and in this season he doesn't require a lot of physical care, and so I stepped away from everything else. Everything I could possibly think of I stepped away from.

Speaker 1: 9:09

Think about it An employee takes vacation, or in other countries they call it a holiday, and there's benefits to taking vacation time or taking time away. Or another analogy is a runner or an athlete. They don't continue to go and do their talent or their game, or whatever it's called, in high gear and function like that every single day, every five days or seven days a week, or 365 hours or 365 days a week. They need to rest their body, because if they don't, their body will rest for them like a sprain or a strain or something like that. I'm a big NBA fan and I love watching basketball, and if you watch even baseball players, they have a grueling schedule and they'll have three games a week or four games a week and you'll notice the athletes don't play every game. They need rest time.

Speaker 1: 10:22

In my break time I found clarity in what I need to prioritize, what brings me joy and at what pace I need to be at right now. That's really some of the aha moments that I had, and what was a really scary sign for me is I wanted to quit my entire podcast and my entire business. I wanted to give up on that, but when I cleared out the clutter in my mind and let go of the overwhelm and stress, I couldn't give it up. This is a passion for me, but it's funny how your brain and your thinking works, because your mind and body are saying you just want to give up everything. So, first and foremost, caregiving and my spouse is my priority and I had to think about what are my priorities. They are my priorities and then also my other priority is my well-being, and I can't think of the scale. But you know, that scale, that I think that weighs things and there's kind of like a bar across the top and there's chains coming down and there's usually silver plates there. Well, think of that.

Speaker 1: 11:46

My goal is on each side I try to balance these as much as I possibly can. Now they're going to it's going to tip once in a while. From a caregiving perspective, it's going to tip. That way that's my buzzer going off telling me I have to take my acid reflux meds. If you're thinking about it, it's not my, it's not my phone ringing, so it's just my reminder. But I want to keep that as balanced as I possibly can. And so when I look at this and I had to logically look at this when I look at my calendar, I think about caregiving and anything that Dennis needs from me. I have to block those off in green lest I use a colorful magic highlighter. And I block those off in green.

Speaker 1: 12:38

But I also need to go ahead and highlight on my calendar time for myself, whether that be structured time or whether that be structured time or whether that be my rest time. It could be my walks with my dog, it could be social time, like my bowling or a lunch with friends or my sister. It could be reading a book time, it could be just downtime. Those should be as equal as I possibly can, based on my thought process. But then I also realized I want to continue filling my cup with my purpose and my passion, which is my podcast and you as my community. I don't want to give up that because, as I thought through these the last few weeks, that would be a huge, huge hole for me and it would be like somebody sucking the joy out of me.

Speaker 1: 13:38

But I also know that I'm a high achiever and a high performer. That's just one of my upbringings and when I go in on something, I go all in, and I go all in without any blinders on. With blinders on, I just go all in, and that is not good as well, and I needed to pull back the reins. As a business owner who is also a caregiver, also in a challenging season, I have to be realistic with myself and I can't do the things that I did a year ago. Also in a challenging season, I have to be realistic with myself and I can't do the things that I did a year ago because I'm in this challenging season and it may not be all of the things that I do. It's the stress that builds from a challenging season that burns me out. Challenging season that burns me out. And so I had to set office hours for myself and prioritize everything prioritize caregiving, prioritize my well-being which are those high ranking pieces and then build in my office hours. And because I love podcasting and I love this community, but I can't run this on high speed right now. And so by setting office hours and I haven't determined what those would be Is it two hours a day? Is it four hours a week? I haven't decided on that yet, but I'm going to build that as I go now, knowing my priorities. So you already heard it. The good news is that I feel great about this reset. I feel so good.

Speaker 1: 15:27

I will be back weekly for this podcast. Most of the time Little disclaimer things do get chaotic. Remember my priorities. The two up on top are my well-being and caregiving. Those have to be my priorities, but you will be hearing from me most likely every week. I will also be getting weekly newsletters back out to my email subscribers and if you are on my email list, watch for those. I got to figure out what I want to spin in those, if those are just updates or if I'm going to make those informational little clips. I haven't decided that yet, but I love the fact that I'm reinventing things and I can go ahead and make that. So, if you are not on my email list, click on the link right now to join in on my newsletter email that will be eventually coming out weekly.

Speaker 1: 16:30

Right now, I'm working on simplifying in my business the tools and resources, and will share updates as I go. Right now, my website is shut down for now. I shut it down purposely so I could take that break, and so anybody that is looking for more resources right now. They're just on hold and I'm trying to figure out where I want to put those. They're just on hold and I'm trying to figure out where I want to put those, and this is a perfect time for me to go ahead and reinvent my website and move it to, instead of having it underneath my name, moving it to my business name. But stay tuned, because I have some really cool ideas.

Speaker 1: 17:12

I have to spend about a week saying these are all the things that I want to do in the upcoming year in my business, but reality is I have to move at a slower pace. So what am I going to give you? Whatever it is for you all as my community, you're going to get great content and great information. My podcast is going to be my main source of information for you, and then my newsletter, so I'll work on that as I go. So, as I end this podcast today, I just want to say clarity can transform you, and I think this break was a blessing for me.

Speaker 1: 17:57

It was very hard for me. I did a lot of thinking and had one day I would be like I'm quitting. The next day I'm like you're lazy, and so I had a lot of transformations that I had to go ahead and go through. But everything think about it everything from exhaustion to frustration to overwhelm, it's how you go from feeling hopeless when you take this break to finding new joy. I'm finding new joy, from feeling burnt out to finding new energy. Maybe for you, let's say, you're just feeling like, well, I just can't do this. Maybe you need to take a couple of days off from the majority of the stuff you do, or asking somebody else to say can you cover for me for a couple days so I can go ahead and recharge and you do something like that. Well, this is just food for thought.

Speaker 1: 18:57

Today I want to thank you for listening to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. Oh my gosh, I hope you hear it in my voice. I feel like I'm ready to come back and talk to you again. I hope my story and my experience today gives you some thoughts and ideas to improve your situation. If you're in a funk, if you're feeling burnt out, these are things that you may have to consider to do. Maybe you stop doing something right now so that you can give yourself a little bit more time. Remember, you can't keep going without looking at your cup. You want to continue to fill your cup and don't let that cup go empty. And if that cup goes empty, you need to say why did it go empty and how can I go ahead and recharge and refill my cup. We'll talk to you again next week, my friend. Bye for now.