.png)
The Caregiver Cup Podcast
Empowering caregivers with knowledge, resources and tools so they can be the best they can be. This podcast focuses on ways for the caregiver to reduce stress, burnout, can embrace moments of joy in their new normal. Listen weekly to Cathy's personal experiences, coaching, tips, inspiration, and interviews.
The Caregiver Cup Podcast
Breaking Isolation: Finding Connection in Your Caregiver Journey
Caregiving often leads to profound isolation, a reality I experienced firsthand during my husband Dennis's first stem cell transplant. With his second transplant approaching, I'm determined to transform potential loneliness into connection and community.
This episode explores the hidden costs of caregiver isolation, backed by sobering statistics: 61% of family caregivers report feeling lonely, and 40-70% experience depression. Beyond emotional impacts, isolation weakens our immune system and increases risks of chronic illness. Many caregivers lose touch with friends or stop participating in social activities, creating a cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to break.
During Dennis's first transplant, I retreated into my introvert tendencies, using COVID protocols as an excuse to avoid meaningful interactions at our temporary housing facility. Though surrounded by people, I felt profoundly alone. The result? Oversleeping, emotional eating, increased anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness that only deepened my isolation.
Through personal reflection and support from accountability partners, I discovered that breaking free from isolation begins with small steps: brief conversations with staff, scheduled FaceTime calls with friends, and gradually expanding my comfort zone. For caregivers feeling isolated now, I offer practical suggestions from texting a friend "I miss you" to joining online support groups or community activities.
As I prepare for Dennis's upcoming stem cell transplant, I'm approaching it with a new mindset: connection is my lifeline. I'll participate in communal dinners, engage with other caregivers, and maintain regular contact with my support network.
Where do you fall on the loneliness scale from 1-5? Text me your number and one step you'll take to fill your social cup. Remember, while change might start with a tiny step, it can lead to transformative joy in even the hardest caregiving seasons.
💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.
Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT
Well, hello, my friend, and welcome to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Kathy here on this last Tuesday of March. Before we get started today, I wanted to share a response that I got from a weekly email. First of all, if you are not on my weekly email list, I send out weekly emails, usually Friday, saturday or Sunday, whenever I get around to it, but it's the end of the week and I share a story, inspiration, tips or motivation for you. And this week, in the email I shared about a lady that I saw when Dennis and I were walking out of the oncology department. She was either a caregiver or going in for treatment, but she was showing up as her best self with her white cowboy boots, her cowboy hat which was so cute her Western outfit, and she was walking in as her best self, and that inspired me to write an email about showing up as your best self. Well, I get a response back from one of the caregivers that I wanted to share with you. She said Hi, kathy, I was so inspired by this email and all I could think about was to stop being down in the dumps. And now that it's officially spring, why not bring out the spring clothes a cute pair of faded jeans, a jean jacket with a cute sweater and white sneakers with gold trim. It instantly lifted my mood, and so I just thought that just is a nice way of putting it. What can you do to lift your mood? What can you do to show up as your best self even in the hardest seasons? Maybe it's putting on lipstick or jewelry, maybe it's grabbing a better china or a cup that you don't use and you save for special occasions and you use it. Now, what are you doing? And so, hopefully, by getting these bits of information or inspiration, either in my emails or in my podcast episodes, you can continue to show up as your best self.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's move on to today's episode, and what I want to share in today's episode is I want to go back to Dennis's first stem cell transplant. As you know, dennis is getting ready to go in for a second stem cell transplant and he's getting. My son is donating his stem cells in less than a month, and I want to go into a bit different. I want to go into this as a bit differently. I can't talk today, by the way, and then I did the first time when the first time I went in with my introvert tendencies. Yes, I am an introvert. I think I'm an extrovert in some situations, but I'm mostly an introvert, but I'm mostly an introvert.
Speaker 1:In February of 2022, we were still in the COVID protocols, so it made it easy for me to hide behind the masks, even in the housing place. We had to wear masks all the time. We wear more masks in the hospital and we had to stay isolated. Dennis did all of his own stem cell transplant where he donated his own. He did that all outpatient and so when we got back to the hospital housing, which was called Kathy's house, and we stayed in the room and so I followed that suit.
Speaker 1:But I remember feeling after a few days, lonely, isolated and stuck, and I had conversations with other people in the house, but just a friendly hi, or how are you doing? I regret not forming a bond like I normally do, and I normally know how to do. I think I was. I'm trying to analyze it now. I think I was stressed, but I was also uncomfortable in a community housing atmosphere and it was easier to stay in my shell or in the room or stay, you know, kind of close to myself. But this time I want to have conversations when we go back and we go. I have to go there on April 24. And that's the start of two to three months there this time, and I want to go into conversations, I want to engage in there. They have communal dinners every so often, they have activities, and I want to find joy in this hard time. I'm going in with the mindset that connection can be a lifeline and it will fill my cup and that's what I'm going to go in with the mindset of. So in today's episode, I want to dive into the impact of isolation on our well-being emotionally, mentally and even physically and acknowledge that feeling isolated is natural, especially for caregivers in a new season of life or in a challenging season of life, but that we have the power to shift that, and so this is really vulnerable for me and I am almost thinking that this is good therapy that I'm talking through today, but I'm hoping that you will think about yourself as well.
Speaker 1:Let's start out with understanding isolation, and the first thing I want to reflect on is your feelings, and I want you to think about and explore why you might feel isolated. Is it because, and if you're feeling isolated first of all, why do you feel isolated. Why are you feeling lonely? Is it because your friends are unsure of how to interact with you now, or because your new responsibilities have shifted your social landscape? I follow a lot of caregiver groups online Facebook, instagram. I just kind of look at what people are feeling all along and some things are really good and some things just bring me down. But I see a lot of people like my friends don't call me anymore or I haven't been out, I'm so lonely, that kind of thing. Well, you want to first reflect on it and really think about what your situation is and get a good understanding of it. You could be surrounded, too, by people and still feel lonely too. That's kind of the way I felt it when I was doing the stem cell transplant. We would meet with doctors and nurses every day and there would be, you know, there's. I don't remember how many rooms there are, but there could be 20 people out in the communal area and I still felt lonely.
Speaker 1:And so what is causing your loneliness? You want to think about that. What is causing it? Is it depression? Is it lack of deep conversation? Is it not being able to work? Or you're not with the people that you're used to being with. What is the cause of that? And really thinking about what's causing your loneliness, what's causing your isolation. Is it simply because you can't leave the house right now? Is it winter? We're just coming off a winter in the United States. Here Is it winter and you haven't been able to get out as much and do as much.
Speaker 1:Or for me, it was being away from home in 2022 for that stem cell transplant and not being able to see my family, not being able to see my friends and interact with my friends, and so I was missing that life. And even if you think, before caregiving, what was your life before caregiving? Were you a social butterfly and had things to do all the time? Why are you feeling lonely? And I want you to reflect on why and what's causing it. That would be the first thing to understand your isolation. And if you think about it, I even pulled up some statistics and I think that these statistics are good because it's going to get into the mental, social and physical health concerns of each one.
Speaker 1:But what's prevalent here of isolation is 61% of family caregivers, according to the AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving, reported lonely due to their caregiving responsibilities, which many indicated that social interactions really diminished. Also, the National Family Caregiver Support Program said more than 50% of caregivers say they often feel isolated and are socially disconnected. It's probably nothing that you don't know, but I want you to know that you are not alone if you're feeling isolated and you're really. If you think about your time, your time is not. You're not socially interacting anymore, and it can impact your health and, according to the Mayo Clinic in 2022, they said, caregivers are more likely to experience depression and anxiety due to feelings of isolation. They said 40 to 70% of caregivers reported feeling depressed. Yeah, and so it does impact it.
Speaker 1:And I think, too, if we look back at what the pandemic did to us during caregiving as well, those stats went up, and so if you started your caregiving during that time, or you're dealing with somebody that has a compromised immune system and you can't go out as much anymore because you don't want to be exposed to stuff that can make you feel isolated as well, the National Institutes of Health said caregivers who experience high levels of isolation had an increased risk of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression and caregiver burnout. Yeah, yeah, it does. So let's look at the social one, too, because, if you don't know me, I love stats. By the way, aarp said 22% of caregivers report their caregiving role has led them to lose touch with friends. Is that one of you? Are you one of the 22%? And AARP also gave a stat of 27% of caregivers have stopped going out or participating in social activities because of the caregiver responsibilities. Again, looking at that and looking at, are you the 22% that lost touch? Are you the 27% that has now stopped participating in social activities? That adds to even more of the isolation.
Speaker 1:And not to mention, the National Institute of Health talked about physical health. Prolonged isolation is linked to increased stress, weakens our immune system and heightens the risk of chronic illnesses, underscoring that loneliness can affect both emotional and our physical health and our well-being. So I think it's really important to go ahead and take some time and assess where you're at or, if you're not at this, know that this episode is here, that you can come back to it when you are feeling isolated or lonely, because nine times out of 10, we're going to have bouts of these in our caregiving roles and responsibilities in our journey. So let's talk further about the hidden costs of isolation. I want you to really think about you right now what happens when isolation lingers. We talked about why and looking and understanding it, but I want you to now think about what you do or what you notice or recognize about yourself when you are isolated for long periods of time. I want you to pay attention to you. Are you in it now or you've experienced it before?
Speaker 1:I know for me, I slept more in 2022. I didn't want to do anything and I felt sad and depressed. I gained weight since I ate more, and leaned into coping mechanisms. Now, some of the coping mechanisms were good because I went for walks, I lifted weights at the housing at Kathy's it's called Kathy's house, k-a-t-h-y in Milwaukee. I did crafts and I called my family and friends, but I did those in isolation. It amazes me what I did, but I also was unhealthy and I had unhealthy habits. Like I said, I ate more. I did say, well, one day I'm going to get out and I started shopping and that's not for me. That's not a good coping mechanism because I don't need anything, but I would go out and shop and I dived deep into projects that I would do. For example, maybe I'd work on my website or I'd work on something when, at that time I was working my career job as well, but what my aha moment was was I was missing the social aspect, which an introvert doesn't want to do most of the time, which, for me, it was what I needed, and as a result of it, I became more depressed and sad. This might include increased stress. For me, I had more anxiety.
Speaker 1:So I want you to think about what does it look like for you and what does your body do and your mind do? Because I think the biggest mistakes I see caregivers make, including myself, is waiting too long to reach out or assuming our friends know we need help. And it goes back to what I read in that social media group for caregivers is nobody reaches out to me anymore. I don't understand why. I used to take care, I used to listen to my friends. Why don't they call and listen to me?
Speaker 1:And if this is not addressed and we don't take care of it ourself because nobody can fix it but ourself it becomes a habit that's hard to break and I got to be careful. Nobody can fix it ourself, meaning that if we don't recognize it, we don't go ahead and take that first step, it's going to be hard to break because our body and our mind wants to keep us safe and they're saying just stay in the room, kathy, you'll be fine, take extra naps, relax, be fine, take extra naps, relax, whatever it would be versus taking a risk. Your mind is saying oh my gosh, you know that kind of thing. And for me then, and for probably most people you become when you do that, you become more and more stuck. And then for me it felt like guilt and shame. I kept beating myself up, saying why am I not going and sitting out and socializing with people? Sure, we have to wear masks, but we can still socialize and talk to each other, participate in the. If they had crafts that night, or if they had somebody brought in a lunch, I, instead of just grabbing the lunch and going back to my room, I could grab the lunch, give some to Dennis, but then tell Dennis I'm going to go sit out in the common area or the dining area and eat the lunch with everybody else. Now I'm not saying you can't break it, but it just gets harder and harder, like I said, if you continue to just allow your body and mind to convince yourself to protect you and keep you safe. Because when you become uncomfortable. That's where your mind starts playing tricks.
Speaker 1:I remember feeling this way during the stem cell transplant season and I finally recognized what it was doing to me and the shame and the guilt and I wasn't feeling worthy anymore and all that kind of stuff. So I called my accountability friends. These are my business buddies that help me with my business and Amy is a coach and Naomi is a coach and I said to them I'm feeling so lonely and isolated and I explained what I was doing and they helped me, without judgment, take small steps to find social aspects. Now, if you have an accountability buddy, maybe that's who you go to. Maybe you look for a therapist to talk to, maybe you lean into a community or a best friend. But that's your first step. I know I had to start.
Speaker 1:I started having conversations with the staff. That's where I started, because they asked me what would you want to do first? And I'm like well, I walk in and out of the door every day to bring Dennis. I was especially the last few weeks. I dropped Dennis off at his appointment. He'd walk in, he would have to probably get platelets and do his stuff and I would come back and clean my room and, you know, have my breakfast, all that kind of stuff. And then I'd go back and pick him up and I started having conversations and taking just a few minutes to stop by the front desk and say, hey, how are you doing today? What's new today? Because there would be different volunteers.
Speaker 1:And then, after I started, that uncomfortableness started, you know, getting better. Then I started, you know, talking to other caregivers and just saying, hey, how long have you been here? What is your loved one going through? How are you doing? Really, I do this on a podcast. Why am I not doing it there? And I started opening up a little bit. I started scheduling two FaceTimes with my mom and some of my friends to saying, hey, can I FaceTime you? Well, let's schedule a day. And I could just have conversations.
Speaker 1:Slowly but surely, I started feeling a little bit better. I did, and so I think that you want to think about where you're at and potentially looking at the hidden cost of your health and well-being and what can you do to improve it. Now, if that person that was writing in that Facebook group that said none of my friends reach out to me, or anything like that, I would challenge her to go ahead and saying why do they have to reach out to you? Why can't you say hi to them and saying, you know, just texting them or asking them, saying I miss you, can we schedule a FaceTime together? Or, you know, or looking at other alternatives to go ahead and do that. So let me go to the next piece Now.
Speaker 1:Now that you have understood your, understood the, your isolation and looked at the hidden cost of your isolation, now let's go into the formula to go ahead and really break free of your loneliness and isolation. First of all, you want to recognize and understand it we just kind of talked about that and validate your feelings without blaming yourself and causing yourself to beat yourself up. No judgment on your part and no blame. Remind yourself that it's normal to feel lonely sometimes and you're recognizing it, so you should be celebrating it right now. And then you have to accept your reality, understand that while it's okay to feel isolated and at times you're going to have to be isolated, because that's what the caregiver role is you have the power to influence parts of it and change parts of your situation. For example, if I had to stay with my mom and dad when they were in hospice care and they needed hospice care. Well, when there was a break and somebody else was there, I could change some of that situation walk to the mail, call somebody, that sort of thing, and then, once you accept your reality, you want to take small steps. One little thing can get you started. Don't create this big long list and stress yourself out and say I'm going to do this and this and this and this. No, take baby steps. One little thing. Maybe it's scheduling a weekly call with a friend or maybe it's joining a caregiver group and it could be online if you can't get out. But you're starting some of that kind of small steps Now, if you have the time, you could join a class or you could go to the gym.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's a cooking class or it's a book club or it's a new activity For me in Kathy's house when I go now at the end of April, they have scheduled things that you could do, not necessarily like all the time, but they'll have a group bringing in dinner for us and so if the dinner is cool, we'll all go down there and sit and enjoy a dinner and we can talk to other people. Or maybe it's morning coffee. Maybe there's a coffee clutch out there that sits and have their morning coffee. I'm all into that, or maybe it's, you know, bringing out my paint and I paint by numbers. Or I like to go ahead and do crafts. Maybe I bring those to the table and somebody wants to come and join me. So, whatever it would be, you could also think about a simple walk schedule a walk. Perhaps you have a neighbor or a friend that needs a renewed spark and you go for a walk At Kathy's house.
Speaker 1:After I felt that isolation, I just started walking the halls at night. After dinner I said to Dennis you know he would like you know just to sit and watch something without me in the room with him. I said you know what? I'm going to go ahead and make four or five laps through Kathy's house and you know what? I was able to stop and talk to people and it wasn't long, or I would be able to smile at them or whatever. Maybe it's scheduling a coffee date with a friend. It could be at a coffee shop, it could be at your home and you tell them to come on over, I'll throw on a pot of coffee, or you could do it virtually and saying you know what, if you have some time, let's schedule a virtual coffee date. Chat with somebody in the waiting room is another example. Or the elevator. You could chat with somebody that way.
Speaker 1:Just brainstorm ideas and take one and try it. I think that's the biggest takeaway. And then the big thing for you too, is experiment and adjust. If it doesn't feel right or it's not working, then try something else. It's not working, then try something else. Try, you know. Be open to finding new people, new communities that understand your unique journey. You can go ahead and do that. So setting you know, thinking about what you can do. And then, when you do something, I want you to celebrate the wins. Write it in your gratitude journal. Go ahead and text me saying I did this and I celebrate that. Tell somebody I love doing that. Thank you for going ahead and doing that.
Speaker 1:So let me share a couple of quotes to inspire you. If you're feeling lonely and isolated this one is from Mother Teresa and it says loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty, and I want you to think about that you can go ahead and really think about this feeling of being unwanted or isolated doesn't feel well, and so if you're feeling the poverty, feed it, my friend, feed it and do something to go ahead and help you and bring your spirits up. And another one from Oscar Wilde. He said the smallest acts of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. And I'm talking about the smallest act of kindness to you, to yourself, is worth more going ahead and being kind to yourself and doing something that fills that social isolation bucket. And what can you do? Because if you're fueling your self-care with you're eating well or you're exercising your body, don't forget about the social aspect. What am I doing to fill my social cup? Social aspect what am I doing to fill my social cup? Maybe it's going to church and sitting with community at church and you have conversations when you walk in or conversations when you walk out. So think about what you do right now that could help you, or what could you do that could help you.
Speaker 1:I think of ways I reached out, and one of the ways that I reached out during that time is I texted my friends and said this is just really simple and it's meaningful and really, really impactful. I texted my friends and said I miss you, really, really impactful. I texted my friends and said I miss you, I hate not being able to spend time with you. I hope we can try to figure out how to do this. And I said to them I'm trying to figure out how to do this in my situation and that just opens up the door. I miss you. I hate not being able to spend time with you. If you've had a friend in the past that you've connected with a lot and now there's a gap because now you're in a different season of your life where you're caregiving, let them know you miss them. I hate not being able to spend time with you. I'm trying to figure out how to go ahead and connect with you again, and going back and forth might just be the ticket for you to feel a connection again. And remember connection is your lifeline. So you could say for me, I can't leave Milwaukee, but I miss seeing you, julie, and I want to connect with you. Maybe we can do a FaceTime or a Zoom call or something like that, or let's schedule a date as soon as I get back, and whatever it would be, you're opening up the doors.
Speaker 1:Okay, before I end today, I want you to answer a question for me. I want you to reflect on this question when are you on the loneliness and isolation scale. It's a scale of one to five, one being I'm not isolated. Three being somewhat isolated and lonely. Five being I'm extremely lonely and isolated. Are you a one, two, three, four or five, five being extremely isolated and lonely? I want you to text me this when are you at?
Speaker 1:And if you want encouragement or you want to go ahead and take action and do something, tell me one step you're going to take that's going to help you improve your wellbeing. Remember filling that social bucket. What are you going to do? It could be as simple as you know. When I go to the doctor with my loved one today, I'm going to talk to somebody in the waiting room, or I'm going to have conversation with a girl that checks in with me all the time and just say hi, how are you doing? It's nice to see you again Trying to fill that social cup. Tell me what you're doing.
Speaker 1:Okay, to end today I just have a reminder or a final statement here. While change might start with a tiny step, it can lead to big transformations over time. We're in this together. We all feel isolated and lonely at times and we all get into that rut, but what are you going to do to shift that and take control? Remember, connection is your lifeline and when you fill your cup it helps your loneliness and it gets you to find more joy. Well, until next time, my friend. You have a good rest of the week. I look forward to hearing from you. Remember that text is in the link and the email is in the link. Those are the two ways that I reach out to you right now and again. We'll talk to you again next week. Bye for now.