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The Caregiver Cup Podcast
The Caregiver Cup Podcast is your space to pause, reflect, and refill. Each season dives into themes that matter most to caregivers—like self-care, boundaries, emotions, and rediscovery—so you can show up as your best self. Join a supportive community that believes when your cup is full, you can care with more strength, joy, and compassion.
The Caregiver Cup Podcast
Is Your Caregiver Cup Full or Running on Empty?
Have you ever felt your energy, patience, and compassion draining away while caring for a loved one? When was the last time you stopped to check what’s left in your own cup?
Welcome to Season 1 of The Caregiver Cup Podcast. This season is all about you—your self-discovery, the many roles you juggle, and your personal health as a caregiver. The statistics are sobering: nearly 41% of caregivers report low overall well-being, and only 23% say their mental health is good. Behind those numbers are real people—like you and me—trying to care for others while holding onto ourselves.
In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own story of walking through my husband’s bone marrow transplant and what it taught me about my “cup.” After 57 days away from home navigating hospital stays and medical crises, my cup was bone dry. Rebuilding wasn’t instant—it felt like climbing a steep hill when I had no energy left. But it reminded me of something powerful: when we learn to pause and honestly check our cup, we give ourselves the chance to rebound, recharge, and find joy again.
This isn’t about perfect caregiving. It’s about finding your rhythm and your way of refilling, protecting, and strengthening your caregiver cup. Join me every Tuesday through December for Season 1 as we walk this journey together—because when you show up as your best self, you become a stronger caregiver, a better advocate, and a healthier you.
I'm Kathy Vanden Heuvel and welcome to the Caregiver Cup podcast. This season is called what's in your Cup. It's all about self-discovery, the roles you're juggling and your personal health as a caregiver. Together, we'll explore how to refill, protect and strengthen your cup, because when you show up as your best self, you can be a stronger caregiver, advocate and healthy you. I'm so glad you're here. Now let's get into today's episode. Well, hello there and welcome to the caregiver cup podcast. It's Kathy here. Or, for those of you who have been listening for a while, welcome back.
Speaker 1:I know I took a sabbatical and I'm excited you're here, because this season is a little different. I thought long and hard about how I wanted to bring this podcast back and I know, and I knew I didn't just want to go back to business as usual and I'm quoting that. I wanted to create something useful, something you could come back to anytime or even share with another caregiver when they need it most, and I love doing weekly podcasts. But I felt it was time for more structure and if you don't know a little bit about myself, I did this. Five top strengths through the Strength Finder assessment, and structure is one of them and I'm like, oh, it fits me to a T and I think it'll help you too. That's why I'm moving to seasonal formats with themes. Think of this Caregiver Cup podcast, now like a podcast library where you can grab exactly what you need when you need it. So during my pause, which I took a pause I don't even remember now it's all a big blur, but early, early summer, and if you're listening to this, at a later date of 2025, after my husband's stem cell transplant and I sat down after weeks of just kind of taking care of myself and mapped out three full seasons, and today I am thrilled to kick off season one with you.
Speaker 1:The focus of season one is going to be all about self-discovery, our roles we play as a caregiver and personal health as a caregiver. Because here's the truth Caregiving impacts more than your loved one. It impacts you and I as caregivers. And did you know that nearly 41% of caregivers report low overall well-being and 32% more than non-caregivers? Now, I really think that's low, but 32% of people in the world report low overall well-being, but 41% of caregivers report it. And only about 23% say their mental health is good, which almost 40% say that caregiving negatively affects their stress levels. Say that caregiving negatively affects their stress levels. Nothing we didn't know already. Oh my gosh. I could roll my eyes when I hear that stat because I know it has affected me and I know it's going to affect you or has affected you. So if you're feeling drained, overwhelmed or just not yourself, know that you're not alone.
Speaker 1:And at the time I'm recording this, I have the new book called the Unexpected Journey from Emma Heming Willis and it's called the Unexpected Journey and in her book she quotes it's called the Unexpected Journey and in her book she quotes caregiving asks everything of us, and yet we must find ways to keep something of ourselves. Caregiving asks everything of us, but we have to keep something of ourselves. We have to keep our identity, we have to keep our health, we have to keep our sanity and life intact, because I always say at what cost? I'm going to say that in this podcast again today. So that's why season one is all about helping you discover what that something is. Is it your energy, your rhythm, your cup? That's what we're going to focus in on, because here's the thing when we fill our cup, we show up with more patience, more strength and more compassion. When we don't, we run our cup empty and it affects not only us but the care we're able to give. And I can think back and think of like days that I was numb. There are days that I don't even remember, days that I was on edge, days that I just wanted to run away. We could go on and on as caregivers, right. So let's look at your cup honestly, openly and without judgment. I want you to seriously, as you're listening to season one, really focus on your cup, your imaginary cup, which is your body, which is your mind, which is your overall caregiver presence, and really look at that.
Speaker 1:You know, one of the reasons I pressed pause on this podcast was because my own caregiving journey demanded it, after spending 57 days from home during my husband's bone marrow transplant, and it was a truly roller coaster ride. You know how those roller coasters they go up and down, but then you go in circles, in spirals. I felt those 57 days being in Milwaukee while Dennis was in and out of. He spent the first 30 days in the hospital, then he came home, came back to Kathy's house, which is the housing place we stayed at, and he didn't even make it a week and he was back in the hospital and I was exhausted and you caregivers know exactly what I mean. Just because you leave the hospital doesn't mean the caregiving slows down, because after 57 days we made the trek back to our home, which is about two hours away. But it became even more demanding because it was the everyday care and then it was traveling back and forth and we still are doing it for appointments and we were doing those weekly and then they moved to bi-weekly and now finally they're monthly. But it was the constant taking care of them and at this time I'm recording this in September I know you're listening to this in October he's starting to feel better and the burden is less and less, which is really nice.
Speaker 1:But when I was in the thick of it, I had to take a long, honest look at myself with compassion and admit I was tired, I was depleted, I couldn't keep up with anything. That was hard to say out loud, even to myself. I remember asking myself at that time what are really my priorities right now? I had to look at myself and say why am I putting myself through all this extra stuff? Where can I find even a little bit of time to rest? And, to be honest with you, when I rest. When I rested, I felt guilty, I felt like I wasn't, I was supposed to be doing something and I had to really say, when I found that time to rest and, more importantly, where is my cup and how do I refill it? And I didn't know how to do that. When I got back, you know, after 60 days after the transplant, after 75 days after the transplant, after 100 days, I didn't know how I was going to go ahead and refill it, because my body was so whacked out, my mind was so whacked out.
Speaker 1:Because here's the truth when you're in the thick of the most intense caregiving seasons, you just do what you have to do, right. You're in survival mode. You power through the appointments, the medications, the unknown crises which, god knows, there's enough of those and you don't even realize how much you're giving away until there's nothing left to yourself. Caregivers are remarkable. You are remarkable. You are doing something so compassionate and so beautiful. You're giving your love, you're giving your energy and your time. But I want to ask you this gently At what cost? And if you haven't gotten the Emma book about caring for Bruce Willis, she gets into that and she eventually had to make a hard decision of how she was going to continue her life and she realized what pieces were missing. And she's raising two young children were missing and she's raising two young children.
Speaker 1:So when I planned for Dennis's transplant back on course here, I love to just get off on rampages but when I planned for Dennis's transplant, I thought I had it all figured out. I really did. When I went in, I'm like okay, I'm doing this for seven years, I know what I can do when he's in the hospital. I chunked out time for myself and I went at specific times of the day. So I was there in the early mornings. I stayed there ate lunch with him. By two o'clock in the afternoon I said, okay, I'm going to go back, I'm going to do some walking, I'm going to have a good dinner. I'm going to go back, I'm going to do some walking, I'm going to have a good dinner. You know, I'm going to go ahead and unwind.
Speaker 1:I thought I had it all figured out, but obviously when crisis happens, your stress levels go up and your systems get whacked. I had a team back at home taking care of the house and the dogs and for a while it worked. But when things got challenging, when the complications and crises came, I focused on Dennis. I focused on what I needed to do and forgot about me. My own needs slipped lower and lower on the list and I know when I go into crisis mode. I know now where I sink, or indications. I sleep more. I try to get in cat naps and trying to go ahead and do that so I can kind of forget about everything. But I stopped walking on some days I didn't eat. Well, you know what goes through yourself when things start slipping lower and lower on the list. The more crises came, the more lost I became and eventually my cup dried up completely. My cup dried up completely and, I'll be honest, it took me a while to rebound.
Speaker 1:Coming back from this emptiness isn't instant and, you'll notice, when I had said I'm going to slow down and just do podcasts occasionally, that's what I thought the solution would be. But the real solution had to be I had to take a step back from anything that I didn't need to do at that time. I had to take a step back and let myself heal, and it was so weird, it was so hard to do. I felt like I was lost and it took me oh my gosh four to six weeks to kind of figure that out. And coming back from that emptiness wasn't, like I said, instant. It felt like climbing this steep hill and you were so exhausted and you couldn't sprint up it. You had to walk really slow and you had to take lots of breaks. You had to take one step at a time and, for me, one day at a time. But each step taught me something. It taught me something. Each step reminded me that I matter too, and my brain played so many tricks on me. It made me start blaming people and things. It was this strange thing.
Speaker 1:It's hard to explain, but as I go through season one, I'll give you more of my thoughts on that. And that's why I started this season with what's in your cup, because I don't want you to wait until your cup is bone dry, like I did. I want you to pause now and if your cup is bone dry, then start fresh right now. But take a look at your cup with honesty and compassion and ask yourself am I giving so much that I lost myself? What's missing that I need to put back in? Because when we ask those questions, when we notice the leaks, when we notice the emptiness before the crisis, we can't start refilling our cup? Not with guilt. We can't start refilling our cup not with guilt, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that again. I'm reading my notes, because when we ask these questions, when we notice there's leaks in our cup, there's emptiness before the crisis or there's emptiness after the crisis, we can start refilling our cup. We don't want to fill it with guilt, we don't want to fill it with grace, we want to fill it with judgment. We don't want to fill it with busy time and sweeping things underneath the rock. We want to fill it over time with grace, with compassion and really getting into it.
Speaker 1:Now I love a quote, and so let me kind of pull it together with a quote from Ellen Brown. She says you cannot serve from an empty vessel. And isn't that the truth? We try so hard as caregivers to give and to give, but if there's nothing left in us, how can we keep showing up the way we want to be? And I found myself showing up the way I wanted to be and I thought I should be, but it was edginess, anger, resentment, numbness, fake, and sometimes you have to do it. But when you recognize those things, then you realize you cannot keep serving from that empty vessel. That's why I believe looking at your own cup is not selfish. It's so essential, and maybe even you can.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll talk about this in a minute but you can journal this out, because when you refill your cup, that's your power, my friend, to rebound after the hard days, to recharge now. It's your magic to recharge when you feel drained, and it's your secret sauce, the very thing that allows you to keep caring with compassion, strength and love. When you notice it and when you can go ahead and be aware of it at some point, then you have to take this magical clue and this secret sauce and saying okay, now I have to look at my cup. So here's my thought for you you can do this journaling. So here's my thought for you you can do this journaling, writing it down. You can do this journaling on your phone. You can just go ahead and pause and think about it.
Speaker 1:But I know it's hard to pause, first of all, as a caregiver. Our default mode is go, go, go, go, go, right, but I want to invite you right now, even if it's just for a breath or a break, to stop and check your cup. So if you have to go ahead and pause this podcast right now, because you want to do it right now so you don't forget about it. You can, or better yet, schedule something, schedule a little bit of time, look at your day or set your alarm and do this activity, and you can do it anytime. Maybe you do it once a month and you just do this.
Speaker 1:I want you to ask yourself if my cup is full right now and you have a full cup, figure out what's in it. You want to go ahead and embrace that and use that as your anchor. If your cup is full, celebrate it, journal it, talk about it. What are you doing that's making your cup feel so full? And, on the flip side, if your cup is empty, what's missing? What's missing? I even like to go ahead and draw a cup and saying, okay, what's in my cup right now or what's missing? You might even want to jot this down in a journal and, like I said, pause. And when you're ready, I'm going to give you some examples here to kind of get you started. Is your cup, does your cup have a good night's sleep? That restores your body? Or is that, you know, on the bottom of your paper because you can't get a good night's sleep you know on the bottom of your paper because you can't get a good night's sleep Is movement in your cup?
Speaker 1:Are you moving your body every day? Are you taking 10 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever it would be for your body? Maybe it's walking your dogs? I couldn't do that when I was at Freighter and I found that for me personally, walking my dogs. There's some sort of connection to my dogs because my heart just bleeds for my dogs and it brings me. Not only am I walking the dogs, I'm making them happy, I'm seeing their tails wag. When I was walking by myself, it was a different type of walk and I felt empty. But are you stretching? Are you dancing? Whatever your movement is, is it yoga? Are you moving? Because that should be part of your cup.
Speaker 1:Now here's another one boundaries. Are you setting boundaries that protect your energy and giving you breathing room? My boundaries when I was at Freighter were I had people taking care of the dogs in my house. At home, I set boundaries to say that I'm going to leave every day between two and three o'clock in the afternoon, because six hours is long enough, sitting by your loved one's side, and I needed that break as things got more chaotic, those boundaries kind of bent, and not only was I staying longer, I was calling him at night, I was going back after dinner because I had to, but I lost those boundaries. Another one is laughter with a friend. Maybe laughter is not there anymore, or even a silly TV show that makes you smile. What is your mood like?
Speaker 1:Another piece in your cup is spiritual practice. Maybe it's prayer, meditation or just simply sitting in quiet. What are you doing to go ahead and help your spiritual health and your mental health? Or maybe it's just connection with friends. You know me, I love my coffee, having coffee with a friend virtually or in person, or going for a walk with a friend, or just connection. Think about it. Those are just a few examples. What's in your cup right now and are you happy with how you're keeping your cup full or what's not?
Speaker 1:Obviously, I didn't get into nutrition. I didn't get into eating or overeating, so you need to go ahead and look at that. To be honest again, back in July I thought I was doing all the right things. I filled my cup with. When I got back, I filled my cup with movement and sleep and nutrition, but I knew something was missing in my cup. Once I stopped and really listened to my body I had stress in my cup, I had pain in my cup. I had stress in my cup. I had pain in my cup. I had mood in my cup I realized what I needed most was quiet and joy, and they weren't in my cup. They weren't.
Speaker 1:And let me tell you, slowing down after chaos is not easy. I don't know. You can think of any time that you're really really, really, really busy and then all of a sudden it stops and there's a void and I felt like that. I knew how to care, give when things were crazy and I feel like I was really good at that. But when life slowed down, I now had to face all of those things that weren't in my cup. I had to learn a new rhythm. I had to discover a new way to fill my cup and the things that really needed to be filled in my cup that I kind of didn't have anymore. That's why this reflection matters.
Speaker 1:It's not about doing it perfectly. Trust me, right now my cup isn't perfect. Some days my cup is nice and full. Some days it's leaking or spilling. Some days it's leaking or spilling, some days I tip it right over and all of it just comes out. It's about being honest with yourself and finding your version of rest, joy, renewal and that rhythm that works for you. So if you're listening right now and realizing your cup feels pretty empty, I want you to hear clearly. That's okay. This isn't about judgment. This isn't about comparing yourself to anyone else, nor should you compare yourself to me. This isn't about noticing where you are and starting small.
Speaker 1:If you've listened to any of my 200 plus episodes, you know I talk about baby steps, because refilling your cup doesn't happen in one big leap. It happens in little, tiny steps and choosing rest when your body begs for it, saying no when your energy is tapped or allowing yourself to laugh even in the middle of the hardest times. Those little choices matter, and that's exactly what we're going to walk through together in this entire season one and over the next several weeks we'll be digging into topics about refining self-care and letting go of the myth that it's just a bubble bath and a pedicure or a spa day. My God, if we could fill our cup every day with that, we would probably be broke, but we would have the magic potion. Right, it's not. We're going to talk about juggling roles, because you're not just a caregiver, you're a spouse, you're a daughter, you're a mom, you're a friend, and sometimes you're wearing all those hats at once and more.
Speaker 1:Listening to your body is another topic, and honoring what it's trying to tell you before you burn out sets in. Know what your triggers are, know what those alerts are and listening to it. Another topic is managing that guilt and shame, those heavy emotions that whisper. You're not enough. I can't tell you how many times I tried to make a point of driving home and at least getting one overnight stay at my house. First of all, giving my people, my coverage at home, a break. Secondly, being able for me to connect with my dogs and thirdly, having issues with my furnace and air conditioning and all that kind of crazy stuff. I had to do that, but I can't tell you how many times I left Milwaukee and drove home feeling guilt because I couldn't be in two places at one time. Now, I had coverage in Milwaukee for Dennis and I had coverage at home and I wanted to be in both places at the same time, and the guilt and the shame would eat me alive. And so I'll tell you how I got through it as we go through the season and just some of the tricks that I used, but it still was there.
Speaker 1:And we're also finally going to talk about asking for what you need, because you deserve support too. Oh, my gosh, in Emma's book it gives advice to the non-caregivers as well, and I'll give you a little hint. That one thing that really jumped out at me and I've been listening to Oprah interviewer, I've been listening to the View interview her and many other interviews that she does and not one of them is the same, by the way but talked about people saying, oh, if you need anything, let me know. And what do we say as caregivers? Oh, oh, yeah, I'll let you know. And she's blunt and honest by saying, no, just do it. If you think you need to help me with something, just tell me what you want to help me with. I love it and we're going to talk about that. But asking for what you need is so important.
Speaker 1:So this season isn't about doing caregiving perfectly. It's about finding your unique rhythm, your way of filling, your way of protecting and your way of strengthening your cup. And right away, when I think about my cup, I want you to come up with a visual of what your cup is, you know. Maybe it's a coffee cup, maybe it's one of those big Stanley mugs, maybe it's a vessel that's totally different, maybe it's a big pitcher or whatever. You want to visualize what that cup is and continue to think about it and continue to think about about it and continue to think about. I think about it like words in my cup that fall in, like joy falls in, and then it turns to this liquidy color. And then another thing falls in and it turns to this liquidy color. I don't know. I'm thinking. I want you to have a visual of it, more or less. So here's my challenge for you Commit to making this podcast part of your weekly refill routine or ritual, if you can, or finding time to listen to this, because there's going to be I don't know, I think there's six, but I added in a whole bunch of bonuses as well.
Speaker 1:So each Tuesday from now through December 8, a new episode will be waiting for you on that Tuesday morning. Think of it as your time to pause, your time to breathe and your time to reflect on your cup, Even if it's just 20 minutes in the car, on a walk or while you're folding laundry. Let this be your space for your cup. Mind me that 20 minutes is not my length Usually it's 30 to 60 minutes but let this be your time to go ahead and look at your space in your cup. You've already taken the first step by showing up here today, and I thank you and I promise together we're going to make sure you leave this season with more awareness, more tools and, hopefully, a cup that feels a little fuller.
Speaker 1:So, because when you show up this is my statement that's so powerful when you show up as your best self, you can be a stronger caregiver, a stronger advocate, but, most importantly, a healthier you. And what is that healthier you look like? Does that look like joy? Does that look like somebody that's taking time for themselves even in the midst of the hardest season? Taking time for themselves even in the midst of the hardest season because you know what you don't want to look like? So what's that healthier you look like? So, to end, today, I want to thank you so much for listening. Today. I want you to commend yourself for taking the time for you. It matters. It matters that you focus on you a little bit. You are recharging so that you can show up as your better self.
Speaker 1:If you found today helpful, I want you to hit that follow button. I want you to hit that. There's going to be a text link in the bottom. Tell me what you think or, better yet, give me a review, because it's been a while now that I've really had any active podcast out there. So let's spread the word and, as caregivers, let's help as many caregivers we can out there, including yourself. So take care, my friend, and we'll talk to you again in Episode 2 of Season 1 next week. Bye for now. If you've enjoyed this episode, can I ask a favor of you? Hit that follow button or write a review, or, better yet, send me a text. Hearing from you means the world to me. Remember you are not alone, and here in season one, we're focusing on what's in your cup, so don't forget to refill it, protect it and strengthen yours, because when you show up as your best self, you could be a stronger caregiver, advocate and healthier you. Until next time, my friend, take care of you.