The Caregiver Cup Podcast

Are You Listening to Your Caregiver Body?

• Cathy VandenHeuvel • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Your body whispers before it screams — but as caregivers, we often ignore those whispers until it’s too late. In this heartfelt episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, Cathy VandenHeuvel shares personal stories and powerful insights on how to recognize the physical and emotional signals of caregiver burnout. From brain fog and fatigue to irritability and forgetfulness, these clues aren’t failures — they’re your body’s way of saying, “slow down.”

You’ll learn simple ways to check in with yourself daily, find small moments of rest, and listen to your body’s needs without guilt. Because when you honor your body, you protect your health, your joy, and your ability to show up for those you love. 💛☕

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SPEAKER_01:

Well, hello, my friend. It's Kathy here on the Caregiver Cup podcast. Hey, today we're diving into something that I think every caregiver needs to hear, especially those of us who are running on autopilot and we've been doing it for a while. We're talking all about listening to your body. Now, before you roll your eyes and think, Kathy, I don't have time to listen to anything else. I want you to hear me out. Because the truth is, your body isn't betraying you. It's communicating with you and sending these signals and signs. As caregivers, we are pros at pushing through, right? Pushing through the pain, the exhaustion, those long, overwhelming days when our to-do lists seem like they're never going to end. We're all t we we've all told ourselves, I'll rest later or I'll just need to get through this week. But what if your body has been telling you something all along? And you've been too busy to really to take care of yourself because you're taking care of anybody else or everybody else? Let me ask you something. When's the last time you really checked in with your body? Not your to-do list, not your calendar, but you. When's the last time you pause to notice how your shoulders feel, how your heart's pounding, how tired your eyes look or are, how heavy your steps feel. Because this episode, my friend, is about turning in, or I mean tuning in before your cup runs dry. I'm Kathy Vandenhoovel and welcome to the Caregiver Cup podcast. This season is called What's in Your Cup? It's all about self-discovery, the roles you're juggling, and your personal health as a caregiver. Together we'll explore how to refill, protect, and strengthen your cup. Because when you show up as your best self, you can be a stronger caregiver, advocate, and healthy you.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm so glad you're here. Now let's get into today's episode.

SPEAKER_01:

Let me start with a quote that I love. It's one that really hits home, and it says, Your body whispers before it screams. I don't know the author, but it is your body whispers before it screams. So today we're going to slow down, listen to those whispers, and learn how to respond with the same care and compassion you give to your loved one and everybody else. All right, take a deep breath with me. Inhale. Exhale. Let's talk about your what your body's been trying to tell you and how to finally listen. You know, there was a season in my caregiving journey when I thought I had it all figured out. I tell myself, I'm fine. I just need some caffeine, some good coffee, maybe a better night's sleep, a quiet hour, and I'll be good as new. But the truth is, my body was screaming. During Dennis's treatments, I was running on adrenaline, his chemotherapy treatments. I was running from appointment to appointment, hospital to home, and back again. I'd wake up with headaches, my stomach was in knots, I couldn't focus. I was trying to balance my work and his chemotherapy appointments. And the smallest things would make me cry. I mean, I could tear up at the drop of a pin. And it was mostly when I just went quiet with myself. It wasn't because I was weak or overly emotional. It was because I was completely depleted. And here's the thing: I didn't even realize it at first. I thought this was just what caregiving felt like exhaustion, brain fog, pushing through another day. But my body was trying to tell me something I just and I was just not listening to it. I see it now so clearly. My headaches, my stomach issues, those tears, and they were signals. My body was saying, Kathy, you're running on empty. You need to slow down. And here's what changed for me over the years. Instead of beating myself up for feeling tired or emotional, I've learned to say, thank you, body. And I put my hand on my heart and say, thank you. Thank you for the reminder. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for letting me know it's time to rest. Because every ache, every tear, every sigh, there's they're not signs of failure. They're signals of strength. They're my body's way of asking me to care for it the way I care for everyone else. So if you have been there, or if you're here now, if you're nodding along and now thinking, yep, that's me. Maybe you have different signals. I want you to know you are not alone, my friend. So many caregivers share this story. We become experts at caring for everyone else, but we forget about our own. Here's another quote that sums it up perfectly. Um, again, I don't have the author, but um I'm just gonna say unknown. If you don't make time for your wellness, you'll be forced to make time for your illness. So if you don't have time for your wellness, you'll be forced to make time for your illness. That one hits deep, doesn't it? And I've had several illnesses in my eight years as being a caregiver. I learned that the hard way, that your body always keeps score. If you don't listen to the whispers, it will eventually start shouting. So let's talk about what your body might be trying to tell you and how to start listening before it gets too loud. And I I truly believe that, you know. You know, one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my eight years again is your body is amazing. And you have to think about it. Embrace what your body and even your mind is telling you. It really is. It's smart, it's intuitive, it's constantly trying to communicate with you. If you take the time to listen and really listen, it will give you signals long before burnout shows up. But here's the thing most of us do we ignore the signals, we brush them off, we push through them because we think I don't have time for this or I'll rest later. And sometimes you need to in the immediate day, but you have to go ahead and recognize it, it's sending you signals. But your body isn't trying to stop you, it's trying to protect you. It's saying, Hey, slow down. I need a little care today. Think about it. If you didn't eat all day, look just a simple example. If you didn't eat all day and you hide and you didn't stay hydrated all day, and then all of a sudden you move your body and turn around and you get dizzy, your body is telling you, hey, you haven't fueled for the day. You haven't hydrated for the day. Your body is weak and you need something to eat and drink. So let's talk about what those signals might look like because sometimes they show up quietly, or other times they come at you like a flashing red light. Maybe it's con let's talk about constant fatigue. You're sleeping, but you're not resting. You know, you go to sleep and you just can't sleep because your mind is racing, or restless sleep, your mind won't shut off. And even when you hit the pillow. So those are those are things. Maybe it's brain fog, and I've been known for this one. My gosh, forgetting things, rereading the same paragraph three times, or losing track of what day it is might be a signal for you. I talked about headaches or jaw tension because maybe you're clenching your teeth or you're stressed, or tightness in your shoulders that never goes away. Gosh, that's a true sign of stress, maybe. Sometimes it's digestive issues. Your stomach feels off, your appetite changes, you're reaching for comfort food because you're running on stress, or the opposite, you don't eat anymore. So that might be. And then there's emotional signals. You're irritable, you feel guilty, tearful, those moments when you feel numb, like you're moving through the day on autopilot. If you're nodding to any of these, please know you are broken. You're not broken. You're not broken, you are human. And your body is doing exactly what it's designed to do, and that is protect you, alert you, and help you survive. So, according to the National Alliance of Caregiving, 60% of caregivers report that their own health has worsened since beginning caregiving. That's six out of 10 of us. And studies show that chronic stress can raise your risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, and even depression. Think about emotional exhaustion too. The deep, heavy fatigue that feels like you're running unempty is one of the first signs of caregiver burnout. And what's tricky is that it often shows up months before we even realize what's happening. These signals, these signs. But here's the good news your body gives you early warning signs. We just have to learn how to recognize them. It whispers first. It might start with a sigh or a yawn or a tension headache or a wave of sadness that comes over us. Those are bot are your body's gentle ways of saying, hey, I'm doing my best, but I notice your I need you to notice me. And when you do, when you pause and listen to your body and your mind, something beautiful happens. You shift from frustration to that gratitude. Thank you, body, for bringing this to my attention. Now, when you're when my body gives me those signals, when I feel the tension in my shoulder or the lump in my throat because I want to cry or I want to scream or yell, I have to stop and say thank you. I've learned now to stop and put my hand on my heart or give myself a hug and say, thank you, body, thank you, mine, for reminding me that it's time to pause. I'm I'm overwhelmed, um, I need to eat, whatever it would be, because your body is not your enemy, it's your lifelong partner. It's walking inside you, beside you through every appointment, every sleepless night, and every hard conversation. So instead of ignoring it or criticizing it or trying, try thanking it. You know, I sometimes get mad at my body. You know, it's like, come on, give me a little bit more until I until I so I can just get through this. But it's just being realistic. I have to thank my body, say, I hear you. I've say I've got you. Let's take a breath. Because your body isn't trying to stop you, it's trying to protect you. It's about it's a it's about asking you to pause, rest, and refocus before the overwhelm becomes unmanageable. And that, my friend, is how you start refueling or refilling your cup by listening to the one thing that's been quietly guiding you all along. You know, every caregiver has those red flags, and we're all different in different ways. Those little signs that pop up when your body or your mind are trying to say, hey, you're reaching your limit. And I laugh because at the time I'm recording this, my husband had it last week had to go in inpatient. He had um severe dehydration. Um, he was diagnosed with um graph versus host disease. And so we he was inpatient. And I was trying to go, go, go, go, go. And I turned in the ramp parking lot. Um, and I scraped up the back end of the car on the what was it, the passenger side. I'm trying to think of where it was. And I was so frustrated at myself as I continue to drive. And I kind of finally said, Nope. I was moving too fast and I had these signals all along, but I wasn't listening to my body. So for some, it's, you know, let's go back to those red flags. For some, it's tears that come out of nowhere. For others, it's snapping at someone you love for something small. For others, like for me in the parking wrap, I was exhausted. I was tired. I only slept four hours. And I just decided I was just gonna drink tons and tons of coffee and go, go, go, go, go. Well, and for me too, it's forgetfulness. This big red flag. If I'm not listening to my body enough at the very beginning, I start being forgetful. I start moving too fast, or I'll notice like simple things like I put my phone down and I can't find it. I search for, you know, my keys, or I search for, um, like I talked about my my pink Yeti coffee cup. And I'm like, oh, for one of the visits, I came home one night and went back by Dennis up in the hospital. I had everything packed. Everything was sitting on the counter. I forgot my coffee, my big coffee pot Yeti, where I could use it for the whole day. I forgot it. So simple things like forgetting where you you do something, forgetting something at the grocery store that you walked right by and you normally buy. Think of the things that are just obvious to you. At first, I used to go get so frustrated with myself. I'd think, come on, Kathy, you're better than this. You could do all these things in the past, and now all of a sudden you can't do them. But now I see it for really what it is. It's a signal. My body is stressed out, my body is doing too much, and it's saying, you've got too much on your plate. You need to pause a minute. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I remember a caregiver, and I'm for the I'm gonna use a fake name, I'm gonna call her Lisa, once shared with me that her red flag was crying, and it was crying in the grocery store aisle because she couldn't decide what which brand of soup to buy. It was so basic. She went shopping and she couldn't decide on which one would be better. It wasn't the soup, it was it was decision making, but she was so exhausted, exhausted, and she had so much decision fatigue, and the weight of carrying this was too much for too long. You know, as caregivers were making decisions and you know, solving and getting things ready, and a simple act to the grocery store, or maybe planning a meal could just come out and you could cry, just like Lisa did. Another caregiver told me she'd start, she'd start losing patience with her mom over small things, not because she was angry, but because she hadn't slept the night before. She's she finally said, I realized I wasn't, I wasn't just tired, I was running on fumes. And if you if you're dealing with elderly or somebody that's um having issues, their needs are more. And for my mom, when I cared for my mom, she would say the same thing several times a day. And I could relate, I would get frustrated too and and bark back at her. And then there's the caregiver who said she stopped listening to music in the car because silence felt easier than one thing to process. So she recognized that she couldn't, she couldn't do that anymore. Each of these stories might sound different, but they have one thing in common. Our bodies always give us clues. They whisper first through fatigue and forgetfulness and tears and ill irritability. And if we don't listen, those whispers turn into shouts and they get louder and louder. So when I forget something like my phone or my keys, I don't get angry with myself anymore. Instead, I take a deep breath, hand on my heart, thank you, body. Thank you for letting me know I need to slow down. Because there were times where I thought in my caregiving journey, am I getting dementia? Do I need to go to the doctor for this? Because I was getting more and more forgetful. And I would make major mistakes in my checkbooks and different things like that. But when you realize it's just that you are just stressed and possibly burnt out, you have to go ahead and take a step back. So that simple act of gratitude changes everything. It softens the shame and brings me back to awareness. And it can bring you back to awareness because when you start to notice your red flags, when you pay attention to those moments, you can respond with compassion instead of beating yourself up. And that's what real self-awareness looks like in caregiving. It's not about being perfect, it's noticing the signals before they turn into sirens. So maybe this week, I want you to take a moment and ask yourself: what are my red flags right now? What are my signals my body gives when I'm running low? Or think about the past and what has happened in the past. Because the more you know them, the faster you can respond and the better you can care for both your loved one and yourself. Because caregiving is just not about giving. It's about, or it's not about giving to your loved one, it's about giving to yourself too. So, okay, my friend, let's talk about how to actually start listening to your body. Now, before your brain jumps in with, I don't have time for one more thing, I want you to take a deep breath. This isn't about adding anything to your to-do list. It's not about another task or a big self-care goal. It's not. It's simply a look in the mirror moment. And I'm going to call it a look-in-the-mir moment because sometimes I didn't have time during the day to take care of the red flags. I recognized them and thanked my body, but I would look in the mirror in the morning or in the evening and think through it a little bit more while I was getting ready. So it's about awareness. A few seconds each day to pause and ask yourself, how am I feeling physically and emotionally right now? It could be during your bathroom breaks. When you're in the bathroom and you're washing your hands, you're look at the mirror. That's it. That's where it starts. Because here's the truth: if you don't check in with yourself, you're going to keep running on autopilot. And autopilot always, always leads to burnout. So let's walk you through. Let me walk you through a few ways to bring this awareness into your caregiving life that won't be an extra task and it can fit into wherever whatever you're doing. You know, just the number one thing is pause and notice. Take a moment and a few moments each day, maybe while you're brushing your teeth or putting your moisturizer on in the morning or in the evening, and just check in and ask yourself, how does my body feel? Am I tense? Am I tired? Am I anxious? Am I calm? Do I have any physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches? And then get into what emotions is sitting with me right now. It's just pausing and asking yourself that. It doesn't have to be fancy. It's simply noticing and don't judge, just saying, yeah, this was my day today. And then after you do that, I want you to track your energy. One of the easiest ways to listen to your body is by noticing your energy patterns and energy that you have. You can maybe it's you have a personal calendar somewhere hanging, and all it is is maybe you use the stop and go lights. A green means good, a yellow means cautious, a red means a bad day. Maybe you do that, or maybe you write something on there, but that'll help you. It could be your phone. Maybe you take your phone and you put do that on your calendar in your phone. Uh if you're a journal, if you're a journaler each day, maybe you do that in your journal and you just do a quick check-in with that. I used to do because my dad did, I used to check in each day and put my the weather. You know, I used to do a sunny or a cloudy. I don't do that anymore because I I'm like, I don't really need to look back at that. I now do a red, yellow, green. That's just the way I do it. Or maybe you want to do an A through A, B, C, D, F, like they do in school, if you want to do it that way. But also then notice what might be the reason for it. Is it I'm exhausted and need a nap? Um, or I have no motivation today, then think about it as you're brushing your teeth. I have no motivation today. Think about what you've been doing in the last week. Think about what's been on your plate. Maybe it's you've been just doing the same old, same old, same old thing and there's no spark. Just make aware of it. And then step number three is respond and not ignore. When your body sends you a signal of a headache or fatigue or irritability, just don't brush it off. Pause and respond and saying, if your body says I'm tired, you have to think about maybe where can I go ahead and recharge? Is there, is my loved one taking a nap today and I'm just not going to do one of the chores on my list? I'm going to go ahead and put my feet up and take a 15-minute nap. Or can I go to bed 15 minutes earlier? If if you're if um if it says I'm stiff or I'm you're sluggish, maybe could I take a nap? Or if not a nap, can I take a walk, a slow walk, and tell your tell your loved one, yeah, I'm gonna go pick up, I'm gonna go get the mail at the mailbox because mine is not attached to my house. So I walk out to the end of my driveway and I might say, and I'm gonna just get a little bit of fresh air. So I'll be back in 10 minutes. I'll have my phone with me. I'm just gonna walk to the corner and back to kind of, I'm feeling stiff today. I'm feeling like I need some fresh air. Um, and you know, you want to do that. Think about what you can do. Small actions add up. Maybe you are, maybe you're you just feel sluggish and you notice you haven't been eating breakfast or lunch, and you've been only eating supper, and supper is not really good. Um, and it's just a fast food thing, like when I was in the hospital or when Dennis was in the hospital. Well, what can I do? I need to go ahead and, you know, can I throw in some chicken breasts in the oven right now so that those are there for me to throw in the microwave so I can have some protein? Do I have some lettuce or veggies that I could do? Think about what you need. And if you're seeing a pattern when you're sluggish because you're not eating, that might be it. And then I want you to really think about creating a micro recharge plan. Think about like what can I do in five minutes when something like this pops up. And I just talked about a couple of them. It's I just need to pause and take a moment and enjoy my cup of coffee. I find that if I walk my two dogs, Lucy and Eddie, every day, I feel a spurt of energy and I get some steps in. I can listen to music or my favorite podcast. You know, I love Hodakotby making space. I love hers, not an ad. I just love hers. Um, maybe it's taking deep breaths with your eyes close. You know, and you could even do those during your your bathroom break. You know, you could go to the bathroom, wash your hands, and then just breathe in and breathe out for just five seconds longer. Maybe it's listening to your favorite song or reading an encouraging quote or saying a prayer. Uh, maybe it's meditation, maybe it's calling a friend. Think about what you can do and start playing with those micro recharge plans so that and see if the pattern, the red flags go down for you a little bit, especially if you're in a hard season. Now, if you're still feeling it and it's not, again, if that whisper starts becoming louder and louder, then you may have to ask for a break. You may have to ask for help before you for you break yourself. That one's hard, but it's important. Listening to your body also means asking for support early, not when you're already at a breaking point. That might mean taking, you know, talking to a friend. It could be mean reaching out to a doctor, maybe it's joining a caregiver group, maybe it's working with a coach or a psychologist or a therapist. Maybe it's uh talking to your family member or a friend and seeing if you can't get a day off once a week, whatever. Start thinking about that if you're feeling like those wisps. Whispers are getting louder and louder because asking for help is not weakness, it's wisdom, it's figuring out this caregiving life. And another quote, and I finally have one with uh uh an author here, Brianna Weist said, Rest is not a reward, it's your responsibility. Rest is not a reward, it's a responsibility. That one hits home for me and it hits deep, doesn't it? For you, you you know, you think about I'm just off the top of my head, I don't know why. Maybe it's all the driving that I've been doing back and forth to Milwaukee in the last couple weeks. Um, but a truck driver, if they don't rest and they just continue to go and go and go and only take cat naps or stop for fuel and food, they're eventually not going to be in a good state to drive that big rig. And so the same for goes for us because if you don't honor your body, no one else can do it for you. You are the only one who truly knows your body and how it feels, what your heart needs, what your soul needs, what's your cup is when your cup is running low. So the next time you catch yourself foggy or irritable or worn out, I want you to pause. Better yet, look in the mirror, do a mirror check and say, thank you, body. I hear you. And then take one small step, just one. What can I do to refill what's been leaking out? Can I do a five-minute recharge, or does my body need more than that? And obviously it's based on your season and where you're at and what day it is, but again, you want to continue to thank your body. You know, not beat yourself up because when you listen to your body, you protect your energy, you protect your health, you protect your joy. And that, my friend, is the kind of self-care that matters, truly matters. And I'm pounding on my desk doing it. So I'm trying not to pound too hard. Now, if you're a journaler here, I'm gonna give you a little, little, um, little piece here. Um, before we wrap up today, though, I want you to take just a quick moment, maybe right before bed tonight, as you brush your teeth or moisturize your face and check in with yourself. First of all, look in the mirror. Try to add that to just your routine. Look in the mirror. We're brushing our teeth anyway, and say, How are you doing? Call your name out and say, How are you doing, Kathy? Really? You can make this part of your nighttime routine. It doesn't need to be another thing to add on. It's simply a moment of wait awareness, a pause to notice what your body and mind are telling you. How was your day? Where did you feel tension? How tired are you? And if you're journaling, here's a quick prompt that you can put in your journal. Take a moment, a quiet moment today, and ask your body what it needs. What does my body need today? Write down three things that come to mind, even if it's simple. I need sleep, I need water, I need silence, I need laughter, whatever it would be, I need sunshine, whatever. You need to write down what your body needs. And if you're a journaler, watch for patterns, and then ask yourself, what whispers have I been ignoring? So you're a journaler, what do I need? And what whispers have I been ignoring? Those little whispers, the tension in my shoulders, the size that come, the sighs that come out of nowhere, the forgetfulness, the tears, the inner thoughts of, you know, how many times? I'm just gonna admit it, I'm I'm a feisty Kathy. How many times do you have those inner thoughts by saying, if they complain one more time, or if they ask me one more time, I'm gonna scream. You know, what's your inner thoughts that you don't say out loud? You know, because you you're, you know, and your mind and body are speaking to you with love. And when you take even 60 seconds to listen, you give yourself a gift of awareness. And that's what healing be and that's when your healing begins. It's so magical. It is. It's such so simple to say, but again, we don't do enough of it. So let me just kind of do a close here quick for you, and we're just about ready to end. I know this role isn't easy. And you're preaching to me, and I'm preaching to you, and what do they say? You're preaching to the choir. Right, it's not easy. Uh, you're doing one of the most unappreciated and emotionally demanding jobs there is, caregiving. And even though it can feel in you can feel invisible at times, what you're doing matters deeply. Whether that person that you're caring for doesn't thank you, they need you, and they you're doing, you know, hopefully they appreciate you, but you're doing remarkable work. But here's the thing, my friend, you matter too. You are not weak for needing rest, you're wise for recognizing it. Sustainability, you can't keep going and going and going like the energizer bunny. That battery's gonna run out. Your body has carried you through every long night, every doctor visit, every quiet moment of worry and hope. It demands to be honored. So this week, I want you to do one small thing, just one that helps you recharge. Promise that you'll do one small thing. As a matter of fact, drop me a text message and tell me when that what you're doing. Maybe it's stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air. Maybe it's calling a friend and laughing about something completely random. Maybe it's taking a deep breath before walking into the next appointment. Whatever it is, make it yours. Because listening to your body isn't selfish, it's survival. And it's one of the greatest acts of love you can give yourself. Your body is your oldest and truest friend. Listen when it speaks. It's your best friend. So as you move through the rest of the week, keep that in your heart. You don't have to be perfect. You have to stay aware. One breath, one check-in, one refill at a time. And next week is going to be something special. I'm gonna pause with the normal episodes. I'm gonna do a bonus episode where I share your stories, your text messages, and reflections of where we're at so far in episode one of What's in your cup. And so, for those of you who sent me text messages or responded to emails, I'm going to talk about those in the podcast next week. So I would love to hear from you. Tell me a little bit about yourself and it in that click on that text message. Tell me one thing you're gonna do for your body for that one of those things that you're gonna do to recharge this week. And I also have a few extra tips. So if you're gonna tune in, um, I'm gonna have a few extra tips for tuning into your body and finding peace in the middle of caregiving chaos. And trust me, I'm like, oh my gosh, I thought I was through the chaos for a while, but last week, oh my gosh, it was chaotic. And I'll share a little bit more about that, but I'm also gonna share your text messages. So until next time, my friend, I want you to take care of you and remember, your body is always speaking to you. So when you listen and put your hand on your heart, it's going to tell you. So all you have to do is listen. Take care, my friend. Love you, and we'll talk to you again next week. Bye for now.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, thank you for listening to today's episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. And hey, commend yourself for taking this time today just for you. That's something worth celebrating. If you've enjoyed this episode, can I ask a favor of you?

SPEAKER_01:

Hit that follow button or write a review, or better yet, send me a text. Hearing from you means the world to me. Remember, you are not alone. And here in season one, we're focusing on what's in your cup. So don't forget to refill it, protect it, and strengthen yours. Because when you show up as your best self, you could be a stronger caregiver, advocate, and healthier you. Until next time, my friend, take care of you!