The Caregiver Cup Podcast

Creating a Rhythm That Works for You: The ANCHOR Method for Caregivers

• Cathy VandenHeuvel • Season 2 • Episode 2

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In today’s episode, we’re kicking off the season by building something every caregiver needs but rarely talks about: a rhythm that actually supports you.

Caregiving is unpredictable — your days can shift in an instant. But having a gentle rhythm can give you grounding, stability, and pockets of peace in the middle of the chaos. A rhythm won’t make caregiving perfect… but it will make caregiving easier.

Inside this episode, I walk you through my simple, flexible ANCHOR Method for creating a rhythm that fits your real life:

A — Ask about your energy
Start with your natural flow, not your to-do list.

N — Name your non-negotiables
Identify what must happen each day so you can build around it.

C — Choose your anchor habits
Small grounding rituals — morning, midday, evening — that steady you.

H — Hold it loosely
Your rhythm should support flexibility, not perfection.

O — Organize it visually
Make your rhythm easy to remember with simple visual cues.

R — Review & reset weekly
Your rhythm evolves as your caregiving evolves.

You’ll also hear a personal story of how rhythm helped me survive one of my hardest caregiving seasons — and how tiny habits became my lifeline.

Whether you’re craving more ease in your mornings, more calm in your evenings, or just a little breathing room in your day… this episode will help you start creating a rhythm that works for you, not against you.

🌼 Plus: Reflection prompts + one simple action step to help you start your ANCHOR Rhythm today.

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SPEAKER_00:

Well, hello, my friend, and welcome back to the Caregiver Cup podcast. I'm so glad you're here today. As we officially step into the first full episode of season one, it's all about caring your way in season one. We're starting a new year and a new season together, and something about this feels just feels refreshing. Like we're opening the door to possibilities, clarity, and creating a caregiver life that actually supports you. If you caught the uh last week's trailer, you know we talked about finding your flow, the sense of ease and steadiness that helps carry you through the unpredictable parts of caregiving. Today we're taking the next step. We're going to start building the flow. Because here's the truth rhythm matters for caregivers. Predictability brings peace. Small routines bring stability. And even a little bit of flow in your day can help you feel grounded in all of the chaos and stress and everything that's get everything that's thrown at you. This isn't about a color-coded schedule or perfect routines, nothing more on your plate to do, because caregiving doesn't work that way, and neither do you. Today is about creating a rhythm that fits your reality, your situation, a support structure that honors your energy, your loved ones' needs, and your health, even when life feels unpredictable. So let's jump into the episode with talking about why rhythm matters for caregivers. Lately I've been hearing the word rhythm more and more in wellness circles, in conversation with caregivers, and even in my own reflections. And the more I sit with it, the more powerful it feels. When we talk about rhythm or flow, we're not talking about productivity or getting more done. We're talking about something gentler, something that creates ease in the middle of everything you carry. Caregiving days rarely look the same, right? One day runs smoothly, the next day is chaos from sunrise to sundown. That unpredictability is so exhausting emotionally, mentally, and physically. But rhythm gives you something steady to return to, to fall back on, like a soft landing place built into your day. Here's what here's why it helps. Your rhythm guides you. Another is lowers the stress rhythm does. Your nervous system finds comfort in repetition. Another reason it helps is more clarity. You know what matters and what doesn't matter. Another is a sense of control, not over everything, but over the moments you can shape. And then lastly, why it helps is more chances for you to breathe, reset, and recharge. Think about those scattered mornings or those rising stress moments. Just a small repeated ritual. Two minutes of breath work, like, or a grounded prayer, or a step outside can reset your reset your tone. Now, rhythm won't fix everything, but it brings ease. It brings that grounded feeling and a reminder that you are part of this caregiving picture. I want to share a season when rhythm truly saved me, not because it fixed the caregiving challenges. By all means it didn't, but because it gave me something steady to hold on to. When my mom was going through her lung cancer treatments, I was working full-time, probably about 45 hours a week. I was daily, uh, she had to go to daily radiation for I don't remember how many, how many days in a row. And I had to manage that. And she was so fatigued. And so the simple things that she used to be able to do, she couldn't do. Dennis was also going through his cancer care. Uh, and so I was caring for him, you know, doing the household stuff and running the house and the finances and the appointments and everything else. And so it felt like I had two homes, two caregiver spots, two appointment calendars, and then my work on top of it. I was stretched so thin, I didn't know how I was going to keep going. Each day was unpredictable. You know, I knew what appointments were, but then I didn't know, for example, how mom was going to do or what was going to bubble up at work or whatever it would be. Because I found myself, if I had to go to an appointment, I found myself then working after dinner to try to catch up with anything that I needed to catch up at work and all that kind of stuff. And so it was unpredictable. There were new decisions, new emotions, new logistics, and I had almost zero time for myself. I really did. And I didn't even want to get out of bed. I was so exhausted. So to survive and really thrive, I started creating these efficiencies, shifting my work schedule as much as I could based on appointments, getting coverage for things, trying to take things off my plate, uh, building a caregiving calendar and asking for help from my siblings and neighbors and accepting meals and errands. So I kind of knew that. And we talked a lot about this in season one. Even then, though, life felt hectic and chaotic. So I created tiny rhythms, something just for me. And this is what season season two is going to be all about. For example, my morning rhythm. I I would have to have some sort of morning rhythm. And I'll give you some examples, maybe a moment of prayer. And it could be just when you're brushing your teeth or showering. Uh, time to journal gratitude. And sometimes that was laying right in bed and my gratitude was right there. And then, you know, I like my doggies and like my doggy walks. Well, I couldn't go for that hour-long walk that I normally could today. So it would just be a short walk around the block. And sometimes I would say my prayer or my gratitude at that time, just enough to breathe before the world came at me. And so I ensured that 30 minutes of that was mine. And what it what it would mean is I'd have to get up a little bit earlier, but it it was my rhythm that grounded me. Now I also created an evening rhythm. And I've know I've talked about this in the past. A lot of caregivers realized when they were doing all their caregiving stuff that they forgot about this. But it could be a warm shower with your favorite music or a podcast. It could be sitting down and watching something on Netflix and having your favorite beverage and just putting your feet up for 30 minutes when everything is quiet. It could be something as simple as prepping for the next day. And I would do this and listening to my favorite music or a podcast or whatever. And I would make a shake for breakfast in the morning, knowing that I needed something that was nutritious that was going to boost me, or chopping some vegetables or cheese and sausage or something that I could take when I'm driving or sitting for my mom for her appointments. These small things, and just a those are just a few examples, small things, but they're grounding ones. And so finding for me too was finding micro moments too during the day while I was out and about. And those would just be random. If I had time, like for example, sitting in the waiting room, what could I do in the waiting room versus just scrolling on my phone and taking advantage of it? Like for my mom, when she was in radiation, after a few visits, I knew what how much time was needed. I started to learn and know the people around me. And I would go for a short walk. If it was cold outside, I would walk around the hospital hallways and up the stairs and whatever. If it was nice outside, I'd walk outside. Sometimes I would bring my lunch and eat my lunch that I packed the night before. And getting out of that the waiting room or going down to the cafeteria on a table, that would be nice. Or if I just needed quiet time, I would journal in the waiting room. If I didn't have time for my gratitude, that was my time. So those are more examples. These become anchor habits when you go ahead and start doing these, the things I returned to on those hardest days. Rhythm didn't make again caregiving easy, but it made caregiving easier. If it gave me stability in a season that felt like everything was shaking, everything was falling down. Now let's walk through a framework that I created that I use to help caregivers build rhythm that support them. And I'll have the the anchor in the notes and just a really a brief description of it, but I'll also have it in my email. So if you are not subscribed to my email, you want to go ahead and um go down to the bottom of the the notes and making sure that you get onto my email list or sending send me that text and I'll go ahead and make sure we go ahead and get that. All I need is your email address. And it's nice to have your first name so I can personalize your email. But it's called anchor, A-N-C-H-O-R. And that helps me remember it because a rhythm should anchor you, not overwhelm you. And so the A stands for ask about your energy. You want to be aware of what your energy is, you want to have the energy, um, not just your tasks to do. Um, when do I have the most energy? You want to ask. Are you a morning person? Are you an evening port person? What when do you have the most energy? And when does your energy dip? Because that will signal then too what you need. And when do I need breaks in the day? I'm as we're thinking about this, I'm just gonna drink a little bit of water here once. So anchor or the A and anchor, your rhythm works because when it follows your internal flow, it's not your clock. It doesn't have to be a checklist. It's like when do I have the most energy that I could go ahead and be recognized? When does my energy dip? And when do I have breaks? Ask yourself that. The end and anchor is name your non-negotiables. What's fixed in your day? What can't you change? You have to go ahead and give your loved ones meds, you have to feed them, you have to go to appointments. You have to be, you have to work in those blocks. And in those blocks, are there any rest pockets? Or outside of your day, where where is their rest pockets? Maybe your loved one takes a nap, for example. Or like I said, my mom was in the waiting room. That would be it. Or in the morning at, you know, 5:30-ish, I would get up because you know, my mom would sleep until eight o'clock. My husband would be up, but he doesn't need me and I don't need to do anything from him at that time. So, and I had to be to work at 7:30. So I would go ahead and do all of that. And or name your five to 10 minutes slot of self-care that you know you want to go ahead and do, that you have the most energy to do, or whatever. These are pillars, everything else flows around them. It's kind of like you figure out your calendar in your head or online, and you know the non-negotiables, but then you know where there's breaks in the action. C is choose your anchor habits, small routines that steady your day. My warning is don't do them all. Start out, start out with maybe this week picking one. Picking one, not do them all. Like, do you have a morning intention? Some people like to sit on the side of their bed and stretch and make their bed. If that's your anchor in the morning, that's great. Now, do you maybe your anchor is your midday breath that you notice in the afternoon that you just slump and you can't function anymore. Maybe lunchtime is your midday breath that you have to go ahead and do something. Maybe you're not eating or drinking water, or you need a breath of fresh air to make it through. Or maybe your anchor is an evening release. Or let's not go with the day. Let's go with maybe you choose your anchor, which is gratitude, especially when things just don't seem like they're they're they're going well. And so maybe at the end of the day you're feeling tired and you just you're crying or you're angry or you just want to give up. Maybe before you go to bed, you go ahead and focus on five things you're grateful for for that day. And so when you go to bed, you go to bed with the grateful thoughts versus all of the negatives. Or maybe you notice when you go for a walk, you feel better later that day or the next day. Now, like I said, don't choose them all. Maybe choose one or two and keep them simple. On tough days, your anchor habits can carry you. Now, the age in anchor is hold it loosely. What I mean by that is stay flexible. Rhythm is flexible, not rh not rigid. You know, think about morning is calm, midday is reset, and evening is release. Maybe that's your your mojo, and maybe you take a uh I have these like dry erase markers, write it on your mirror or write it on a sticky note and stick it somewhere. Morning calm, midday reset, evening release, whatever it would be. Or maybe you're you're holding on to hydrate, breathe, and check in. Maybe you realize that I need to stay hydrated so I don't get a headache, for example. I need to breathe, especially when things start getting hectic. And I need to check in with myself or talk to my buddy that is helping me. Another example would be plan, protect, and pause because you don't do that. Think of what your rhythm is. It's kind of like your rhythm is your like your sweet song that you're gonna keep following on. And remember, flexibility equals freedom for you. You may not be able to leave, but this is your way to kind of cope through a hard season. Now, oh is organize, and organize is visually. Organize it visually, make your rhythm visible so you remember it. Like I said, a sticky note, a phone reminder. If you like setting alarms on your phone, maybe an alarm wakens you to, oh, that's right. I said midday, I'm going to go ahead and do X, Y, and Z. Maybe it's a checklist and you get, for me, I love little checklists where I can check that off. Or, like I said, maybe it's a note. So make sure it's visible for you so that you are seeing that you want to do this for yourself and seeing it helps your brain return to it automatically. Eventually, you don't have to do it anymore. For me, my dogs are my visual, visual piece because in the morning after I get up and I make my shake, they're there sitting at the door waiting for me to put their leashes on so that they can go for a walk. So that's that's the piece. And in hard days, even if it's like a five-minute walk to the corner and back, they don't know that we went for a five-minute walk or a 30-minute walk. They are just excited because they got out and they got to smell everything and be outside. And then the R and anchor is review and reset weekly because things are gonna change for you. Some things are gonna work and some things are not going to work, or you had an extremely hard day and everything fell off the wagon, and that's gonna happen too. So you're gonna want to go ahead each and every week somehow ask yourself, what supported me? What were the good things that helped? You know, pay attention to that. Hey, when I did that, when I went ahead and reset at the end of the day, and I lit my calendar uh candle in my bedroom, and I took my shower and I I journaled gratitude. I felt like I got a better night's sleep. Maybe that's it. And then ask yourself what felt heavy? What was really heavy? And maybe it was the caregiving, maybe it was, you know, an issue that you had, and or maybe sticking in something stressed you out, and that anchor wasn't good for you, and that rhythm piece wasn't working. And what needs a small shift? What can I shift and play with a little bit? Because not one size fits all, and not one thing is gonna work. Every situation. So your rhythm evolves as you your caregiving evolves. And so remember the anchor. A rhythm doesn't make caregiving perfect, it makes caregiving possible with more steadiness, with more ease and breathing room. Your rhythm becomes clearer when you say, these are pillars. Everything else flows around them. You know, maybe you have two things that you're going to try this week. And these are my pillars, or these are the two anchors that I'm going to use. So the anchor rhythm doesn't promise perfection, it promises support. It gives you something steady to hold on to so you can move through your day with more ease, more grounding, and more confidence. And maybe you do a lot of driving around to appointments or you have to run errands today. You know, you can look at the morning to say, oh yeah, what can I do from a rhythm perspective when I'm driving that's going to go ahead and boost my energy? What would that be? You know, what could it be? So there you can just kind of think about it. Now, here are some gentle questions that reflection questions that you can ask. We already went through a few, but what time of the day do I feel most supported and least supported? That might determine where you want to go ahead and find your rhythm. What's one small habit that helped me feel grounded? Continue to ask yourself these. When do I need more flow or ease? Yeah. Is it is it later in the week when, for example, when I was with mom and she had to go five days a week? I th I don't remember what how many weeks in a row, but she had to do this. And by Thursday and Friday, it was like, I felt like it was groundhogs day. We were going again. We were going again. And she did not want to go. It was so exhausting for her. And, you know, you you know she has to go, but you know the effects of it afterwards. And what I found that mom wasn't doing then is she was so tired she didn't even want to eat and do anything. And so it was draining on me to go ahead and having to check on her more because she I lived in my house and she lived about two miles away. And so I would sit with her in the afternoon. Um, I would work from my mom's kitchen table for the rest of the day to just kind of make sure she was okay, especially later in the week, or I'd have to have somebody there. So um, and then if your rhythm got 10% better, what would shift? If you found something in your rhythm that made you feel 10% better, what could shift for you? I want you to think positively about that. What could shift? Is that simple act of journaling with your favorite cup of coffee in the morning, is that shifting your mindset a little bit? Is your mood a little bit better? Are you able to tolerate your loved one's grumpiness or challenging conversations with you a little bit better? Is that helping? Or after you've had to go ahead and, you know, take care of a dirty bathroom situation and you're just like, oh, you know, whatever it would be, by going for a walk after they went down and laid down for a little bit, did that help your help you get away from, you know, the smells and your nauseousness because of doing that. I want you to think about these reflection questions and journal on these, you know, the time of the day, what one small habit could ground you, where would I need more flow or ease? Or and if I felt 10% better, what would shift? What would shift for your you? Your answers will guide you to the rhythm rhythm that you can create. Because many of us are like throwing all these ideas up in the air, but when you have some questions to ask yourself, it allows you to pick the right one. And so choose one anchor this week. Choose one and make it simple, make it doable, and really creating the space that you need and not pressure. Maybe it's something as simple. And I remember that doing this when I was at Freighterd Hospital with Dennis for his stem cell transplant. I was just getting to the point where I'm like, I didn't want to do this anymore. And you know, one day I said, you know what? This week, I'm not gonna make it really hard on myself at all. If I do extra things, it'll be great. But I'm going to go ahead and have a simple glass of water. And I'm going to go ahead and sit outside with a simple glass of water, not coffee, but water, because I felt tired all the time. And I thought, I maybe I need some more hydration. It could be as simple as that. And you sit outside and it was it was in May, so the the birds were out and they were chirping and stuff like that. And I was just getting cabin fever at the housing house that we were at called Kathy's house. So think about that. So to close today, remember rhythm won't make everything perfect. I've said that enough today. I probably sound like a broker record, but it will support you. You deserve flow, you deserve grounding, and you deserve moments that refill your cup. And I'd love to hear what rhythm or anchor habit you're choosing this week. What are you going to do? There's that text button at the bottom in the show notes. You can text me directly. What that text system is, it's an external system. It's not using your phone number. It's just taking the last four digits of your phone number to record it. And it just tells me where the cell phone is was purchased from. And so it would just record, it would help me there. And it would say, you know, for me, deep here, Wisconsin. That's what it would say for me. And it would give the last four digits of my phone number. Now, if you want me to know who you are, put your name in the text. Hey, this is Kathy, and this is the rhythm I'm going to try this week. And tell me why. The link is in the show notes again on under the episode here today. You know, your messages mean the world to me. And it reminds us that we're in this together. We're in this together. And what I'll do periodically is I'll bring back those text messages and read them on air and share some of the things to encourage every single one of us to go ahead and keep going. And remember, if it didn't work for you, that's okay. Try something else. Nobody's tracking it, nobody's trying to do that because your world is constantly changing, or you could have a bad week, or you could be extremely stressed and nothing's working for you. But you know what? If you don't keep trying, you're never going to find the rhythm. And if you haven't left me a review lately in your podcast apps like Apple and uh Spotify or whatever you use, it allows you to go ahead and leave a review. And I would so appreciate that. If it's a five-star review, if it's a comment, it would mean so much to me because the reviews then bubble the podcast up so other caregivers, when they seek for podcasts, they could find me. And caregivers who support, encourage, and encourage each other is just the world to everybody who listens. So next week, let me tell you about this. This week we talked about your anchoring your rhythm, right? Next week, we're going to talk about what boundaries you have and how you're creating those without guilt. Because really, what you're doing today is kind of a non-negotiable boundary that you can create. So we're going to reinforce that next week. You're not going to want to, you're, you don't want to miss this one because this is the one that I struggled with the most when it came to guilt. But then once I found it, I started recognizing and realizing that me and other women out there that are creating boundaries, it's a good thing. So that without telling you too much about it, I'll let I'll let that just sync with you a little bit. So to end the day, I want to thank you for being here. You should thank yourself for showing up and for caring so deeply about yourself. Because caring, giving your own way is the only way. If we lined up 10 caregivers in a row and we asked them how they caregive and we asked specific questions, everybody's would be a bit different because everybody has different roles and different hats that they wear and different styles and different talents and so on. And the same comes to us when it comes to how we need to survive and thrive in the season. Some of us can go ahead and and and survive and thrive differently than somebody else. But you know what? When we find a caregiver who says things are going really well, they're doing something behind the scenes for themselves. And that's what we want to do. So thank you for for being here, for showing up and caring deeply. And I'll see you again next week, or I'll talk to you again next week, by the way. Not see you, but I see you kind of in my mind, but I don't see you visibly because we can't in a podcast. Okay, I better stop now. Thank you again, my friend. Bye for now.