The Caregiver Cup Podcast

Choose One Small Reset And Change Your Day

• Cathy VandenHeuvel • Season 2 • Episode 4

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Caregiving can feel overwhelming, especially when the days are full and your energy feels stretched thin.

In this short bonus episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast, I’m inviting you to do something simple — choose one small reset and change your day.

This episode isn’t about fixing caregiving or creating a perfect routine.
 It’s about finding your way through the hard moments with intention, compassion, and care for yourself.

You’ll hear a personal story about realizing the old way wasn’t sustainable, why one small step can create space and clarity, and how simple reset rituals can calm your nervous system, restore energy, and help you return stronger.

I’ll also share a few easy reset options — breath, body, and space — so you can choose what feels right in the moment.

Because making every day count doesn’t mean doing more.
 It means caring for yourself, even in small ways.

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome back to another episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Kathy here again, and today I'm sharing a shorter episode because caregiving can feel overwhelming, and sometimes we just need something simple and grounding. You and I can't always change the big picture, but we can choose how we respond in the moment. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do isn't something big, it's something small and intentional and our own. So this episode isn't going to be about fixing caregiving. It's about finding your way through it with one small reset of time. And I'm hoping that you can, as you listen, you can think through one, just one small reset to help you get through your day or your week. And let me start out today by sharing a story when I realized the old way wasn't working. It was February of 2022, and Dennis was in post-stem cell transplant care, and we were away from home already three weeks. This was his first transplant. As you know, he's had another one in 2025. So this was his first one where he donated his own stem cells, and I want to talk about that back in 2022. My days followed the same pattern in February. I get up, grab breakfast, and head straight into Dennis's care. And what what he did in his first stem cell transplant was almost all outpatient. So it was labs, it was doctor visits every day, and some sort of IV therapy of what he needed. Some days the IV time was an hour, but some days it was five. And once that part of the day ended, I had to work my other full-time job. I was working in my room at the hospital house and I would put in my eight hours. I worked my corporate job remotely there. I managed Dennis's care, his meals, his medication, and we did short walks usually in the afternoon. If it was nice outside, we'd walk around this big long block. If not, we would walk the halls of the hospital house. And in addition to that, I handled the administration of all of the claims and submissions and support, all that kind of stuff. And then I checked in from a home logistics perspective and checked in on all of the people caring for the dog and the house and so on. And if I couldn't finish my work during the day, I would make Dennis supper and then I would go ahead and find a corner in Kathy's house, usually the library that they had there, and I'd work my rest of my day, sometimes into the night, or if I couldn't get it all done and during the week, I'd pull weekend shifts, just depending on that. I could feel though that I was becoming burnt out and my nervous system was in overdrive. My emotions were close to the surface, and whether they were anger or crying or anxiety, whatever they were, and I didn't feel like myself anymore. The tipping point came after a couple really hard days where he had one day was a four-hour IV therapy, one day was five hours, and the supplies and the IV didn't come on time, and the how something at home was falling apart, and all that kind of stuff. And and I had to have some honest conversation with myself or reflection with myself, and I had a few conversations with friends when I finally said out loud to my friends and myself, I can't do it all. It will never be perfect, and something has to shift because I wasn't only working, I wasn't only pulling this, going for dentists' appointments Monday through Friday. It was a seven-day, you know, seven days a week all the time until he was through this. And we were already into 21 days. So I I found a quiet corner in the hospital house, which you know is Kathy's house. Um, and I wrote down all of my options. What could I do? And what needed to change, all that kind of stuff. Not 10 changes, not a full plan, but I had to write them all down. And then what I did is I picked one. I picked one. I just scribbled and brainstormed all of the things. Some of them were really, really silly. Some of them were really impactful. And the first thing I questioned as I was sitting there in Dennis's um in Kathy's house was sitting in Dennis's outpatient room, which had this room had no windows because he was in the center of the hospital where they called it the BMT bone marrow transplant facility. And so we were kind of in the inside, and there was no windows in this room. And it was it was driving me crazy. I was bored. I had to sit there from one to five hours. The chairs weren't comfortable. Uh, most of the time, I would bring a bag of uh of snacks with me, my thermos of coffee, my phone, that kind of thing. But I found myself just sitting there drinking coffee and eating and watching TV. I felt stretched, like I said, I felt bored and honestly not needed because there wasn't any really, with the exception of the doctor coming in, whoever the doctor was that day, they would come in and give the counts and tell him what he needed, like if his platelets were low or his white blood cell counts were low or potassium, they would then give them that. So when I dropped the dentist, uh when I told Dennis, um, when I dropped Dennis off and and I talked to Dennis, what would you think? What would you think if I dropped you off and you called me and reported in or texted me and then gave me an ETA? And then 10 minutes before you were done, I would come and get you. We were two hours across, I mean two hours, two blocks across in it. I don't even think it was two blocks. It was the building across the street. So it took us more time to drive there and go into the ramp and find a parking spot than it really was to, you know, drive to the grocery store and back. And so if I could go ahead and just drive around the block, go into the little little U-shaped drop-off place, it would be easier. So what if I I said to him, what if I drop Dennis off and use this time to work, to run errands, or take care of the administration and stayed close by if I was needed. So, like I said, I talked to Dennis through this, and to my surprise, he was totally on board. You know what? We we we he I he smiled when I dropped him off. He liked the rock star treatment, he called it, when I dropped him off at the door. Then the morning before he went, he would download a movie or two, or uh um his crossword puzzles or a book, and he would rest there because he was in that hospital bed sitting there, and he had access um to you know everything that he needed. And you know what? I had access to his his My Chart app when the labs came in, and then I could talk to him on the phone, and then at the end of the day, his notes would be there. He could call me anytime. So we tested it out, you know, for a few days to see if it worked, and it worked. I was more productive, I had more time than at the end of the day. I had quieter work time because if when he came back, if I tried to work in the room, there was always a TV for distraction, or I had to run around and find a place to work at Kathy's house, which there's a lot of nooks and crannies. But as the day went on, there was more people that came back. I found myself I I could run errands on the weekends instead of late nights, which was obviously safer and better. And on really hard days, I could sneak in a nap. If he had a really rough night where I had to be up with him, I could sneak a nap in. Now, I won't pretend guilt didn't guilt showed up. Yeah, it showed up. When Dennis told me after like the second day, the nurses asked where I was. Right away, the guilt felt like it hit me right in the chest. I questioned myself. But he said he explained to the nurses that now that he's been through it a few weeks, he's he kind of knows what to expect. And Kathy's across the street at Kathy's house, working, doing her uh corporate job. I even that following morning, I called the nurses and I said, just so you know, Dennis is now going to come in. And they said, Yeah, he told us by himself, but you know what? Here's my cell phone number. If you feel something is off, or if you feel I need to come in at any time, call me. And what was really funny is the nurses would check in with me because my text number was on the chart. They would check in and saying, Hi, Kathy, Dennis is here. We'll let you know if anything is up. If you don't hear from us, we're fine. And so it was really nice. I still had that connection. It was a work in progress because some days I question things and Dennis didn't ask, but then he started taking a little notebook with him and started bringing that and saying, Hey, Kathy had a question on this, you know, that kind of thing. But as Dennis started feeling better, I knew this was the right shift for me and for him, because we were with each other 24-7. And it gave him a little time away from me, it gave me a little bit of time away from him, and he was on the mend anyway. So, and here's why I'm sharing this with you because if you feel overwhelmed, unsure where to start, or like everything feels too big to fix, I want you to hear this. I didn't change everything, I didn't have clarity, I didn't have a perfect plan. I took one small step. And I could have even, if if it didn't work, I could have gone in, he could have had his blood work done, he could have met with the doctor, and then we could have seen if it was going to be four four hours. I could have gone back that way too. And we talked about that as an option, but one small step, and that one small step created space, and that's all you need to do. You don't need permission to do care. I'm you don't need permission to do caregiving your way. I'm reading my notes and I'm like, is that right? Yes, you don't need permission to do caregiving your way. You don't need massive change to begin either, especially if you're you've been in survival mode for a long time. It could be something as simple, let's say I that didn't work. It could be something as simple as dropping Dennis off, getting his lab work done, and meeting with the doctor, and then going and have breakfast on my own. That would have given me a break. So it could be something like that. So if you are in survival mode, think small. In our episode, in our last episode, we talked about boundaries. And here's the important thing to remember boundaries don't start with conversations, they start with awareness. When I started feeling that way, I was aware and then I talked through it. They start with pauses. Once I was aware, I paused and sat and jotted down as much as the things that I wanted to shift. I wanted to go home.

SPEAKER_00:

And I knew I couldn't do that. I wanted to be with my dogs, I wanted to, you know, do things. I couldn't do that. And those pauses, they're they're where you begin to come back to yourself.

SPEAKER_01:

One small step creates a little bit of space. And one space then starts creating clarity. Now, I want to share the part that brings this all together, the reset ritual. This isn't anything, another this isn't another thing to add to your list. It's not a routine you have to stick to perfectly. It's simply a tool you can reach for when you feel overwhelmed, stretched, disconnected, whatever it would be from yourself. Here's why a reset ritual matters so much. It's when your caregiving, your nervous system is often stuck on high alert. I'm I'm flagging it like I'm raising my hand like a flag would. You're anticipating needs, you're making decisions, you're emotionally holding space all day long. And think about the other things that you're doing to your body. And when your nervous system stays there too long, everything feels harder. Sometimes things feel impossible, and you look back on it and you're like, I used to do five things, and now I can't even do one. That's because your nervous system is shut. Reset rituals help by calming your body, by clearing your mind, by restoring a sense of control, and and reminding you that you are still here. You don't need motivation to do this, you don't need the perfect moment, you just need willingness, even for two minutes, even for two. Think about if you're emotionally exhausted and you just can't get off the couch and you're saying, Yeah, I just don't feel it, and you just take two minutes and you march in place. You start feeling it. Same goes for your nervous system. I want you to, I want you to give three simple solutions. I want to give you these three simple solutions. You don't need to do all of them, you just need to choose one that feels easiest. And if these three aren't working for you, think of something else. I'm gonna give you three options here. The first one we've talked about in the past, in in season one, it's called a breath reset. This isn't something you can, or this is something you can do anywhere. Slowly inhale through your nose, then exhale through your mouth. Just a little longer than the inhale. Slowly inhale through your nose and then exhale really long. Place one hot hand on your chest or your belly and let your body feel the breath. This tells your nervous system I'm safe, I can slow down. I'm safe, it's okay. You can slow down. That's maybe the only time, and you may have to do this in the bathroom stall. You may have to do this in the car. Whatever. Another option is thinking about a body reset. If your body feels tight or restless, this one can help. Gently roll your shoulders, stretch your arms, or step outside and feel your feet on the ground. No performance, no intensity, just movement and presence. And better yet, if you can do slow breaths when you do that, it's even better. But you may only have that time when your loved one is in the hospital bed and they're taking a nap. Gently roll your shoulders, stretch your arms, step on the ground, go for a little walk. Yeah, with no pressure, just do that. Here's another one: a space reset. And that's what I mean. Taking going ahead and and and finding space for yourself. Sometimes the most powerful reset is taking a step away. I know in the past I've talked about when my mom was on hospice every day. My walk to the mailbox, and she was in an apartment, so it was two floors down, but I walk the steps and the halls to the apartment, and that was a stepping away moment for you. Here's a few more. Sit in your car and take a reset. Maybe it's a breath, maybe it's a cry, maybe it's a short nap, maybe it's sitting turning on the music to a favorite song in the car. Or close the door to a quiet room. And maybe you say a prayer. Maybe you meditate. Maybe you just lay there and just be. And if you can't do that, there's opportunities in your day where you're sitting and you can close your eyes for a minute or two and just get away from wherever you're at. If you're in a busy, busy waiting room and your loved one was just whisked away to get lab work done, instead of pulling out your phone, close your eyes a minute and reset. Maybe you say something to yourself. Maybe you envision your favorite place. For me, it's my flower garden in the sun, and butterflies are flying on my beautiful bloom flowers. Maybe it's that and the breeze flowing. When you get a space reset, no phone for if you can, maybe it's no noise, just stillness. This gives your mind a break from constant input. So yeah, you it these are the three: the breath reset, the body reset, or a space reset. And I want to say this clearly: this isn't about escaping caregiving. It's about resetting so you can return stronger, steadier, and more grounded. These small resets are how you build energy. These will, they're how you create space. They're how you begin caregiving for yourself. One gentle moment at a time. One gentle moment at a time. You know what? I'm going through my notes right now, and I think I forgot the last piece in my notes. So I'm gonna go to a different spot here once and do it. This is definitely how I reset and do it. So I found him. No, I want to say to share this part together, the reset ritual. This isn't another thing to add to your your to-do list. It's not a routine you have to stick with perfectly. What I want to tell you is your body's going to tell you. And when you are aware, it's going to. It's simply this tool will help you reach for when you feel overwhelmed and stretched and disconnected from yourself. Here's why a reset ritual matters as much. When your caregiving and your nervous system is often stuck on high alert, you're anticipating needs. Yeah, you're anticipating needs. So if you can, you know, I want you to, this is for me from an encouraged perspective. I want to be, you know, I want you to take a pause. And it might feel uncomfortable at first, but stepping away from five for five minutes might bring guilt. But I want you to think about this. Choosing yourself, even briefly, is going to help. I know it's going to feel unfamiliar, but it's going to help. And that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It means you're doing something you need. I have a decal on my bathroom, and it's been there for oh five years or so. And it's it's one of those decals that you can, it's like a sticker kind of thing, and you put it on your wall. And every time I brush my teeth or do put on my makeup or whatever I'm doing, it just says those simple words make every day count. Now it used to mean so many different things for me in the past, like hustle and, but it doesn't mean that to me anymore. It means that it doesn't mean doing more, it means showing up with intention now, even in the smallest ways. And making a day count might look like taking five minutes to breathe. Might mean stepping outside for fresh air. It might be sitting stillness before responding. If you're frustrated or stressed out, I have been lately with going back through the bills from Dennis's past M cell transplant and realizing they weren't processed correctly and then having to jump through the hoops. And I've I've been like, okay, Kathy, just sit still in silence instead of getting emotionally upset about something on paper and just figuring out what we have to do. Choosing rest instead of pushing through things. It's gonna it, you're gonna see a different perspective. Is it going to matter if the if the these tasklist chores get done right now or five minutes later and I can have, you know, my favorite beverage and just sit in stillness for a minute. These resets don't erase the hard though. They don't, but they give you strength to move through it. And when you reset, you remember who you are, not just what you do and do and do. As we wrap up, I want to leave you with this. You don't have to do everything, you don't have to get it perfect, you don't have to figure it all out today. Just choose one small reset, one pause, one moment that makes yours. Take a sticky note and write small reset, one small reset, and put it on your mirror or something, or put it on something that you see each and every day as a reminder to just do one pause, one moment that's yours. That's how rhythm begins. That's how boundaries grow, that's how caregiving becomes more sustainable. If you try one of these reset rituals, I'd love to hear from you. Tell me what it is. Remember, we have that text message that you can click on the link and message me. The link is in the show notes below. If you are on my email list, you're gonna get a reminder of that as well. So, as my sticker says, make every day count from a reset perspective. Not by doing more, but by caring for yourself too. I'm cheering you on, my friend. And until next week, bye for now.